Give me Golf clubs, fresh air
And partner beautiful and fair
And to be honest you can keep
The Golf clubs and the fresh air
A paraphrasing of one of the great Jack Benny’s gags
Tuesday, 1 February 2022
GIVE ME GOLF CLUBS
GOLF AND PORN
He was flicking channels between Golf and porn
So, he asked his wife “Which one should I watch eh?”
“For Heaven's sake, watch the porn” she snapped
OLYMPIC CONDOMS
“My Olympic condoms have arrived”
A husband told his
wife excitedly
“I think I’ll wear
gold tonight” he said
And her shoulder’s
slumped resignedly
“I would rather you
wore silver and came
second for a change”
she replied sweetly
GOLFING EXPECTATIONS
I was retired and played quite a lot of Golf
I teed off hoping for a good round ahead
And had the intention of shooting my age,
But unfortunately, I shot my weight instead
A paraphrasing of one of the great Bob Hope’s gags
WHAT IS YOUR EXCERSISE REGIME?
“What is your exercise regime?”
I was asked by my new
personal trainer
I said if I already
had a regime
I wouldn’t need a
personal trainer
GREAT BRITAIN WERE INVITED
Great Britain were invited
To the Belgium town of Mons
For the sun tanning Olympics
And the whole team got Bronze
IRONIC ADVERTISING
I fell about laughing when I saw Serena
In an ironic
Advertisement for Tempur
As given her recent
display of stress
It should have been a “bad
Tempur” mattress
CAR FOOTBALL IS ACTUALLY A THING
Car Football is actually a thing
And some people think it’s cute
But I don’t think cars should play
Because they only had one boot
MY GIRLFRIEND LOVES HORSES AND
My girlfriend loves horses and
All things Shakespearian
And she says “To be or not to be
A horse rider, that is equestrian”
ONE OF THE FOOTBALL SPECTATORS
One of the football spectators
Obstructed the keeper’s view
By standing between the posts
SW19 CHEESE
When you are at
Wimbledon
And you order a cheese
baguette
The filling will most
likely be,
Given the location,
Tennis Raclette
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