DOWN AT THE STABLES

 

Down at the stables

We have a dirty phone caller

Who we have nicknamed

The hoarse Whisperer

APPARENTLY NIGERIA IS NOW POLO FREE

 

Apparently, Nigeria is now polo free

So that’s deserves congratulations

But to be honest I didn’t think

They were one of the equestrian nations

MY GIRLFRIEND LOVES HORSES AND

 

My girlfriend loves horses and

All things Shakespearian

And she says “To be or not to be

A horse rider, that is equestrian”

COMMENTATING ON EQUESTRIAN # 2

 

At his first equestrian event

And he thought he was seeing a mirage

All the horses looked effeminate

But it turned out to be the dressage

COMMENTATING ON EQUESTRIAN # 1

 

At his first equestrian event

And he thought he was seeing a mirage

The campest parade ring he’d ever seen

Turned out to be the dressage

THE GRAND NATIONAL

Jockeys in bright coloured racing silk

Representing owners of every ilk

The horses fidget with ears pricked

Punters shout for the horse they picked

Ready for the off the tension mounts

A lot of money bet on turf accounts

they’re at the start now all in a line

The starter waits till all is fine

And they’re off, and the horses surge

Moving en mass like a cavalry charge

 

Powerful beasts of chestnut and grey

Doing battle on Grand National day

Hooves thunder hard past the rail

Who will win the race who will prevail

 

On they go riding at a steady rate

Five fences in the opening straight

Then the big one Bechers Brook

Some don’t fancy it when they take a look

Then the Foinavon fence before Canal Turn

Valentines is then the next big concern

Three more fences and the field is thinning

Across the Melling Road and turning

Over two more fences before the Chair

Then the water jump and halfway there

 

Powerful beasts of chestnut and grey

Doing battle on Grand National day

Hooves thunder hard past the rail

Who will win the race who will prevail

 

The crowd cheers loudly those who remain

As the magnificent beasts go around again

Along the straight five fences once more

Then Bechers Brook counts its score

Beneath them the ground seems to quake

The leaders leaving fallers in their wake

Then the Foinavon fence before Canal Turn

Valentines is once again the big concern

Three more fences and the field is thinning

Across the Melling Road and turning

 

Powerful beasts of chestnut and grey

Doing battle on Grand National day

Hooves thunder hard past the rail

Who will win the race who will prevail

 

Two more fences and the volume gets loud

Almost home to the delight of the crowd

Jump the last fence and land ahead

Keep your wits about you, keep your head

The finishing straight the end in sight

Across the finish line to the crowds delight

For the winner at the end of the road

The great sporting accolade is bestowed

A spectacle on an afternoon well spent

For those who witness the great event

COMMENTATING ON EQUESTRIAN # 2

 

At his first equestrian event

And he thought he was seeing a mirage

All the horses looked effeminate

But it turned out to be the dressage

COMMENTATING ON EQUESTRIAN # 1

At his first equestrian event

And he thought he was seeing a mirage

The campest parade ring he’d ever seen

Turned out to be the dressage

COMMENTATING ON EQUESTRIAN # 2

At his first equestrian event

And he thought he was seeing a mirage

All the horses looked effeminate

But it turned out to be the dressage

COMMENTATING ON EQUESTRIAN # 1

 

At his first equestrian event

And he thought he was seeing a mirage

The campest parade ring he’d ever seen

Turned out to be the dressage