LET’S SPLIT

I’ve always wanted to learn to do the splits

It’s an ambition since my earliest days

The guy at the gym said, “How flexible are you?”

I replied, “I can do any day but Tuesdays”

BOFFINS ARE NOT THE SPORTY TYPE

 

Boffins are not the sporty type

But even a physicist called Bryan

Knows that he must exercise

Which he does by pumping ion

A GOOD EXERCISE

 

Exercise is a good thing

Pushing your body physically

It can take many forms

I like cycling particularly

I like golf and swimming

I like long walks, especially

When they are taken by

People who annoy me

MY BOSS DOESN’T GO TO THE GYM

 

My Boss doesn’t go to the gym

But it’s not a case of him being slack  

He gets all the exercise he needs

Just by stabbing people in the back

MY DAD DOESN’T GO TO THE GYM # 1

 

My Dad doesn’t go to the gym

He has no need of their facilities  

As he gets all the exercise he needs

Just by dodging his responsibilities

MY WIFE DOESN’T GO TO THE GYM # 3

 

My wife doesn’t go to the gym

She’s the fittest lass around

As she gets all the exercise she needs

Just from running people down

MY WIFE DOESN’T GO TO THE GYM # 2

 

My wife doesn’t go to the gym

She’s as skinny as a candle

As she gets all the exercise she needs

Just from flying off the handle

MY WIFE DOESN’T GO TO THE GYM # 1

 

My wife doesn’t go to the gym

She doesn’t suffer from delusions  

But she gets all the exercise she needs

Just from jumping to conclusions

UP AND OVER

 

Nudists whilst staying in the camp

Must never, even if tempted

When playing games of leapfrog

Fail to complete all jumps attempted

LET’S SPLIT

 

I’ve always wanted to learn to do the splits

It’s an ambition since my earliest days

The guy at the gym said, “How flexible are you?”

I replied, “I can do any day but Tuesdays”

MY DAD DOESN’T GO TO THE GYM # 2

 

My Dad doesn’t go to the gym

And he hasn’t yet come unstuck  

As he gets all the exercise he needs

Entirely by pushing my luck