THE FIRST TIME I TOOK MY GIRLFRIEND HOME

 

The first time I took my girlfriend home

So that my mum could meet her

She wore a big green shirt and huge gloves

And my mum said she was a keeper

MATCH OF THE DAY

 

I took the boys to the match
Down the road on Saturday
I take them to the home games
But we never ever go away

 

They’re only a conference side
About mid table if were lucky
If we manage a decent cup run
The pundits call us plucky

 

Almost numb with boredom
We suffered a dull first half
The ref fell over on his arse
So at least we had a laugh

 

To cheer the boys up a bit
I took them to a burger bar
I didn’t know how long we’d be
The line didn’t seem that far

 

The true concept of “fast food”
Seems to have passed them by
As we spent half time queuing
For two hot dogs and a pie

 

I sent the boys to the stands
Coming over all paternal
I queued on my own and missed
Two goals after the interval

 

Back in the stand with the boys
I realized I’d got nothing for me
And when I tied Josh’s shoelace
I missed goal number three

 

I saw the last five minutes
Until the final whistle blew
Still at least we won the match
The last time we only drew

 

Match days are meant to be fun
I must be totally off my brain
Halfway home without a coat
It starts to pour with rain

 

Forty quid to see the match
Plus fast food and a program
Still at least I spent the day
With my boys Ben Josh and Sam

WHEN SATURDAY COMES

 

I support them as they're from my hometown
I've supported them for years it would seem
Before the start of every single game at home
They announce the crowd changes to the team

 

Come next year the team may well be in Europe
But that would only happen if there is a war I fear
If you ask them “what time does the match start?
They just reply “well what time can you get here

 

The team does a lap of honor if they win the toss
This does at least get the meager crowd humming
To take the pressure off and to help our keeper
We put a Bell in the ball so he can hear it coming

 

We have the strongest team in the football league
From the bottom we have to hold the rest up
We're always the bookie's favorite for the drop
For we've never won a title a trophy or a cup

 

My father exposed me to this when I was a boy
Since, Saturday afternoons are spent in torture
I now expose my children to sad match days
And their children will also suffer in the future

WHEN SATURDAY COMES

 

I support them as they’re from my hometown

I’ve supported them for years it would seem

Before the start of every single game at home

They announce the crowd changes to the team

 

Come next year the team may well be in Europe

But that would only happen if there is a war I fear

If you ask them “what time does the match start?”

They just reply “well what time can you get here”

 

The team does a lap of honor if they win the toss

This does at least get the meager crowd humming

To take the pressure off and to help our keeper

We put a Bell in the ball so he can hear it coming

 

We have the strongest team in the football league

From the bottom we have to hold the rest up

We're always the bookie's favorite for the drop

For we’ve never won a title a trophy or a cup

 

My father exposed me to this when I was a boy

Since, Saturday afternoons are spent in torture 

I now expose my children to sad match days

And their children will also suffer in the future

MATCH OF THE DAY

 

I took the boys to the match

Down the road on Saturday

I take them to the home games

But we never ever go away

 

They’re only a conference side

About mid table if we’re lucky

If we manage a decent cup run

The pundits call us plucky

 

Almost numb with boredom

We suffered a dull first half

The ref fell over on his arse

So at least we had a laugh

 

To cheer the boys up a bit

I took them to a burger bar

I didn’t know how long we’d be

The line didn’t seem that far

 

The true concept of “fast food”

Seems to have passed them by

As we spent half time queuing

For two hot dogs and a pie

 

I sent the boys to the stands

Coming over all paternal

I queued on my own and missed

Two goals after the interval

 

Back in the stand with the boys

I realized I’d got nothing for me

And when I tied Josh’s shoelace

 I missed goal number three

 

I saw the last five minutes 

Until the final whistle blew

Still at least we won the match

The last time we only drew

 

Match days are meant to be fun

I must be totally off my brain

Halfway home without a coat

It starts to pour with rain

 

Forty quid to see the match

Plus, fast food and a program

Still at least I spent the day

With my boys Ben Josh and Sam