LONDON 2012 OPENING CEREMONY

 

Nothing surprised me more

About the 2012 Olympics

Than the opening ceremony

It was astonishingly good

I must admit I had my doubts

I feared a parade of stretch Limos

Disgorging scores of scantily clad

Essex girls wearing plastic tiaras

And a climax of the ceremony

Would have been a group

Of Hurray Henrys from the city

Dropping their trousers

And farting out a rendition

Of Rule Britannia

Before one of the bare arsed brokers

Would use an Olympic torch

To light a fart

And subsequently ignite

The Olympic flame

LONDON 2012 # 2

 

Alas I was in error

There is no end to the terror

Alas I was sadly wrong

The Olympic whinge goes on

THE MCCARTNEY TRIALS 2012

 

I enjoyed the Jubilee concert

It was a wonderful night

I thought the opening ceremony

For the games was just right

 

But before any other major events

I want to know one thing

When is someone going to tell sir Paul?

That he can’t bloody sing

I LOVE THE OLYMPICS

 

I love the Olympics

And now it’s on home soil

It gives us an opportunity

As our competitor’s toil

 

To see them taking part

In events of this and that

Of seeing all the many sports

The team GB are so awful at

LONDON 2012 # 1

 

After seven long years

Of blood sweat and tears

The games can commence

And that test of human endurance

Can come to an end

As we abandon that trend

That has made us all cringe

The seven-year Olympic whinge

ARE YOU WEARING OLYMPIC SUITS?

 

Are you wearing Olympic suits?

Well, you’re looking very smart

You’re Essex lads, aren’t you?

I bet you can’t wait for it to start

You will show to the world at large

That you have good hearts

When you’re lighting the torches

Show us you possess some smarts

For I hope there is more to you

When the 2012 Olympiad starts

Than dropping your tailored trousers

And lighting up your farts

2012 - SUMMER OF SPORT

 

For the most splendid

Summer of sport

We should thank Lord Coe

And all the ambassadors

All the games makers

And the volunteers

We should thank the armed forces

For stepping into the breech

Technicians and officials

All the competitors

For performing to their best

And the spectators

Just for being there

And last but by no means least

For their foresight

All those years ago

In clearing the Olympic site

We say a big thank you

To the German Luftwaffe

LONDON 2012 # 1

 

After seven long years

Of blood sweat and tears

The games can commence

And that test of human endurance

Can come to an end

As we abandon that trend

That has made us all cringe

The seven-year Olympic whinge

LONDON 2012 OPENING CEREMONY

 

Nothing surprised me more

About the 2012 Olympics

Than the opening ceremony

It was astonishingly good

I must admit I had my doubts

I feared a parade of stretch Limos

Disgorging scores of scantily clad

Essex girls wearing plastic tiaras

And a climax of the ceremony

Would have been a group

Of Hurray Henrys from the city

Dropping their trousers

And farting out a rendition

Of Rule Britannia

Before one of the bare arsed brokers

Would use an Olympic torch

To light a fart

And subsequently ignite

The Olympic flame

ARE YOU WEARING OLYMPIC SUITS?

 

Are you wearing Olympic suits?

Well, you’re looking very smart

You’re Essex lads, aren’t you?

I bet you can’t wait for it to start

You will show to the world at large

That you have good hearts

When you’re lighting the torches

Show us you possess some smarts

For I hope there is more to you

When the 2012 Olympiad starts

Than dropping your tailored trousers

And lighting up your farts