SANTA CAME EARLY

It’s a Merry Christmas

If you didn’t know

Santa has delivered

An early Ho Ho Ho

We can again put on

An attacking show

Now Jose’s been given

The old heave ho

  

SANTA’S HELPERS HAVE A CRICKET TEAM

 

Santa’s Helpers have a cricket team

And they play when they can

They have no problem getting numbers

And the substitute is twelf man

BOXING DAY SPORT

Boxing Day is very popular

For Sport of all kinds in the UK 

But in our corner of the land

Trial Pursuit is order of the day 

THE FIRST TIME I TOOK MY GIRLFRIEND HOME

 

The first time I took my girlfriend home

So that my mum could meet her

She wore a big green shirt and huge gloves

And my mum said she was a keeper

THERE MAY HAVE BEEN SOME DOUBT

 

There may have been some doubt

As to his allegiance to the club

Denoted by replica shirt and shorts

But no such doubt existed in regard

To the authenticity of his jock strap

As we all know what they supports.

ARE YOU WEARING A TIRED EXPRESSION?

 

Are you wearing a tired expression?

There is also a hint of depression

I recognize that look on a man

You’re a Manchester United fan

ANYONE WHO ACTUALLY BELIEVES

 

Anyone who actually believes

That cheats never prosper

Have never seen defenders

Preparing to defend a corner

SPORTING DECEIT

An affair between a Sportscaster

And my wife was my suspicion

And when I found them, they were

In the commentary position 

NO MORE JIG OF JOY

Norbert Peter Stiles

18th May 1942 – 30th October 2020 

 

Norbert Peter Stiles

Was his given name

A diminutive figure

But a giant in the game

Fearless on the pitch

Fearsome and ferocious

But away from the game

Gentle and humorous

I remember fondly

England’s greatest day

And I remember Nobby

At the end of play

With his spindly legs

And gap-toothed smile

Because no one danced

Like our Nobby Stiles 

I HAVE BEEN A KEEN SPORTS FAN

 

I have been a keen sports fan

For as long as I can remember

And my father, since boyhood,

Is an even bigger fan than me

Having said that, there is an event

That has frankly always puzzled us

And that is the University Boat Race,

Which takes place on the Thames,

Between two coxed eight crews

So not the most thrilling event

But that’s not the puzzling part

What puzzle’s us is the participants

As it’s always Oxford and Cambridge

So how do they always get to the final?

JOHN MCENROE ONCE SAID

 

John McEnroe once said,

And I completely agree,

That “The older we get

The better we used to be”

SPORTING COURAGE

 

I’m a very courageous

Sportsman, basically

As it takes a lot of balls

To play Golf like me

WE WERE PLAYING CHESS IN THE PARK

 

We were playing chess in the park

And I heard my opponent saying

“Let’s make this more interesting”

So, we agreed to stop playing

A FRISBEE

 

I was wondering,

Why does a Frisbee

Appeared larger and larger

Then it hit me

TIME IS UP

 

To my chest my hands I clasp

I deeply breathe, I wheeze and gasp

My temples throb, my mouth is dry

My heart beats fast, I’m going to die

My voice has gone, my throat is sore

My hands both shake, I can take no more

I lay my head, upon my knee

Now blow the whistle Referee

CAR FOOTBALL IS A THING

Car Football is actually a thing

If not to everyone’s desire

Nonetheless the car was in

The dressing room, changing attire 

WHEN I FIRST GOT INTO ATHLETICS

 

When I first got into athletics

A hurdle scared me a bit

But with dogged perseverance

I managed to get over it

 

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A TEA BAG

 

The difference between a tea bag

And Woking Football Club

Is a simple one to discover

A tea bag stays longer in the cup

HAMILTON THE MUSICAL

 

I went to see Hamilton the musical, but

I didn’t like it when all said and done

It was definitely musical without a doubt

But not one mention of Formula One

SCHADENFREUDE

 

Schadenfreude is the great pleasure derived

By someone, from another person's misfortune

It’s ironic that the Germans have a word to express

My pleasure at them being knocked out so soon