WIMBLEDON TOP CEED

 

The top ceed began with

A firm backhand

Which was a bit harsh

On the ball boy

THE ONLY GOOD THING

 

The only good thing

About the end of Wimbledon

Is it means you’re two weeks

Closer to football season

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 266

If St Paul's day

Be fair and clear

Then Wimbledon

Will be good this year

And strawberries will

Sell well my dear

 

St Paul's day (June 29th)

WIMBLEDON TOP CEED

 

The top ceed began with

A firm backhand

Which was a bit harsh

On the ball boy

THE TENNIS SWING

 

The dour Scot lost the first two sets

And the outcome looked a pretty safe bet

But the plucky Brit fought back to level

Only for the Scot to return in the final set

THE BEST IN THE WORLD

 

I won’t hear a word against our tennis players

It’s true that they certainly have their detractors

But I have always thought British players

Make truly world-class tennis commentators

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 266

 

If St Paul's day

Be fair and clear

Then Wimbledon

Will be good this year

And strawberries will

Sell well my dear

 

St Paul's day (June 29th)

ACED

 

My uncle sadly died at Wimbledon

He was a killed by a tennis ball

I wasn’t too sad at the funeral

It was a lovely service after all

ANYONE FOR TENNIS # 2

 

If Andy Murray wins Wimbledon

He will be called a super brit

But if he fails like those before

He will be that dour Scottish git

YOU CAN LEARN A LOT FROM TV

 

Fed up of missing his favourite shows on TV

Young Ben wanted was his own telly

“Could I have a telly in my room dad”?

Reluctantly Dad said yes to the lad

Ben stayed in his room the first night

Next morning, he gave his parents a fright

He asked his them “what is love juice?”

His mother left making some feeble excuse

Leaving his dad to explain the basics

Of sexual intercourse and its mechanics

The boy sat in open mouthed amazement

Dad asked him after his embarrassment 

“Exactly what program did you have on?”

The boy replied "I was watching Wimbledon"

ANYONE FOR TENNIS # 1

 

For Henman fans Andy Murray

Doesn’t do it for them

And for his on-court aggression

They criticize him

But if you remove his aggression

You’re left with Tim

THE ONLY GOOD THING ABOUT

 

The only good thing about

The advent of another Wimbledon

Is that it means you’re two weeks

Closer to football season

ARE YOU WEARING SNOWSHOES?

 

Are you wearing snowshoes?

Blimey those things cost a packet

Hang on after closer inspection

Your snowshoe is a tennis racket

THE ONLY GOOD THING

 

The only good thing

About the end of Wimbledon

Is it means you’re two weeks

Closer to football season

NEVER LOSE YOUR HEART TO A TENNIS PLAYER

Never lose your heart to a tennis player

And that goes for women and men

But it’s not that they are bad people

It’s just that love means nothing to them

I TRAVEL ON THE TRAIN TO WIMBLEDON

 

I travel on the train to Wimbledon

It’s the best station by far for me

As you can change for the Overground

Underground and Wombleing free

THE MOST DEPRESSING THING ABOUT TENNIS

 

The most depressing thing about Tennis

Is that no matter how well I hit the ball

And how much time I spend practising,

I'm never going to be as good as the wall

SW19 CHEESE

 

When you are at Wimbledon

And you order a cheese baguette

The filling will most likely be,

Given the location, Tennis Raclette

IT WAS A GLORIOUS WEEK IN JUNE

 

It was a glorious week in June

And I wore my best ensemble

But after Day three at Wimbledon

I hadn’t seen a single Womble

THE TENNIS SWING

 

The dour Scot lost the first two sets

And the outcome looked a pretty safe bet

But the plucky Brit fought back to level

Only for the Scot to return in the final set