IT WAS A BAD WINTER OLYMPICS

 

It was a bad winter Olympics

First it was the Luge I had a go at

Then I found myself on thin ice

Following some aggressive chat

Then I joined with the ski jumpers

And it was all downhill after that

I JOINED A SCRABBLE CLUB

 

I joined a Scrabble Club

To learn to play better

But forgot to pay my dues

Which was an up-setter

And now they're sending

Me threatening letters

CHILDISH ICE

 

How do you explain

Without science fluff

What Ice is, to a child?

just say its Skid stuff!

WHAT SORT OF BALL

What sort of ball

Doesn't bounce at all?

Simple, a snowball

FOGHORN LEGHORN CROSSED

 

Foghorn Leghorn crossed

The Basketball Court

Wearing a scowl

Because he misunderstood

When he heard the ref

Had called a fowl

FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFLY

 

Float like a Butterfly

Sting like a Bee

Float like Buffalo,

Get punched in the face

ELATED JOCKEY

 

Jumping the last, sure footed,

Never a hint that he may fall

And after wining the race

The jockey felt five feet tall

WIMBLEDON TOP CEED

 

The top ceed began with

A firm backhand

Which was a bit harsh

On the ball boy

BRENTFORD VERSUS WATFORD

 

Brentford versus Watford,

Is basically me against my cousin

The Bee’s against the Hornet’s

I’m telling you we’re buzzin

SPORTING DECEIT

An affair between a Sportscaster

And my wife was my suspicion

And when I found them, they were

In the commentary position 

NO MORE JIG OF JOY

Norbert Peter Stiles

18th May 1942 – 30th October 2020 

 

Norbert Peter Stiles

Was his given name

A diminutive figure

But a giant in the game

Fearless on the pitch

Fearsome and ferocious

But away from the game

Gentle and humorous

I remember fondly

England’s greatest day

And I remember Nobby

At the end of play

With his spindly legs

And gap-toothed smile

Because no one danced

Like our Nobby Stiles 

I HAVE BEEN A KEEN SPORTS FAN

 

I have been a keen sports fan

For as long as I can remember

And my father, since boyhood,

Is an even bigger fan than me

Having said that, there is an event

That has frankly always puzzled us

And that is the University Boat Race,

Which takes place on the Thames,

Between two coxed eight crews

So not the most thrilling event

But that’s not the puzzling part

What puzzle’s us is the participants

As it’s always Oxford and Cambridge

So how do they always get to the final?

JOHN MCENROE ONCE SAID

 

John McEnroe once said,

And I completely agree,

That “The older we get

The better we used to be”

SPORTING COURAGE

 

I’m a very courageous

Sportsman, basically

As it takes a lot of balls

To play Golf like me

WE WERE PLAYING CHESS IN THE PARK

 

We were playing chess in the park

And I heard my opponent saying

“Let’s make this more interesting”

So, we agreed to stop playing

A FRISBEE

 

I was wondering,

Why does a Frisbee

Appeared larger and larger

Then it hit me

TIME IS UP

 

To my chest my hands I clasp

I deeply breathe, I wheeze and gasp

My temples throb, my mouth is dry

My heart beats fast, I’m going to die

My voice has gone, my throat is sore

My hands both shake, I can take no more

I lay my head, upon my knee

Now blow the whistle Referee

CAR FOOTBALL IS A THING

Car Football is actually a thing

If not to everyone’s desire

Nonetheless the car was in

The dressing room, changing attire 

WHEN I FIRST GOT INTO ATHLETICS

 

When I first got into athletics

A hurdle scared me a bit

But with dogged perseverance

I managed to get over it

 

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A TEA BAG

 

The difference between a tea bag

And Woking Football Club

Is a simple one to discover

A tea bag stays longer in the cup