ELATED JOCKEY

 

Jumping the last, sure footed,

Never a hint that he may fall

And after wining the race

The jockey felt five feet tall

ELATED JOCKEY

 

Jumping the last, sure footed,

Never a hint that he may fall

And after winning the race

The jockey felt five feet tall

THE GRAND NATIONAL

Jockeys in bright coloured racing silk

Representing owners of every ilk

The horses fidget with ears pricked

Punters shout for the horse they picked

Ready for the off the tension mounts

A lot of money bet on turf accounts

they’re at the start now all in a line

The starter waits till all is fine

And they’re off, and the horses surge

Moving en mass like a cavalry charge

 

Powerful beasts of chestnut and grey

Doing battle on Grand National day

Hooves thunder hard past the rail

Who will win the race who will prevail

 

On they go riding at a steady rate

Five fences in the opening straight

Then the big one Bechers Brook

Some don’t fancy it when they take a look

Then the Foinavon fence before Canal Turn

Valentines is then the next big concern

Three more fences and the field is thinning

Across the Melling Road and turning

Over two more fences before the Chair

Then the water jump and halfway there

 

Powerful beasts of chestnut and grey

Doing battle on Grand National day

Hooves thunder hard past the rail

Who will win the race who will prevail

 

The crowd cheers loudly those who remain

As the magnificent beasts go around again

Along the straight five fences once more

Then Bechers Brook counts its score

Beneath them the ground seems to quake

The leaders leaving fallers in their wake

Then the Foinavon fence before Canal Turn

Valentines is once again the big concern

Three more fences and the field is thinning

Across the Melling Road and turning

 

Powerful beasts of chestnut and grey

Doing battle on Grand National day

Hooves thunder hard past the rail

Who will win the race who will prevail

 

Two more fences and the volume gets loud

Almost home to the delight of the crowd

Jump the last fence and land ahead

Keep your wits about you, keep your head

The finishing straight the end in sight

Across the finish line to the crowds delight

For the winner at the end of the road

The great sporting accolade is bestowed

A spectacle on an afternoon well spent

For those who witness the great event

A DAY AT THE RACES

 

A skinny brunette with hair in pigtails

A busty blonde with a ponytail

Overweight lasses showing their bellies

Some eccentric sorts wearing green wellies

 

Women in shorts too small for their arse

Some dressed up showing some class

Several who’ve just crawled out of bed

Mutton dressed as lamb – enough said

 

White skinned redheads wearing no bra

Leggy birds show all getting out the car

Baggy combat trousered youngsters

Extremely skimpily dressed funsters

 

Mothers clad in coloured print dresses

Vixens and vamps and painted temptresses

Elderly folk wearing sensible shoes

Lads on the pull hunt in threes or twos

 

Middle aged man-eaters dressed to kill

Bold young stunners dressed to thrill

Schoolgirls dressed up to look thirty

Thirty something’s dressed to look dirty

 

Tuppenny tarts and fifty-pound whores

Bored housewives fed up with the chores

Young professionals and people of note

People used to wearing ermine not stoat

 

Middle aged geezers who ate all the pies

Absent-minded, gaze wistfully at the skies

The hooray Henrys suited and booted

The Nuevo riche who’ve snorted and tooted

 

Spinster aunts with cheeks glowing

Half cut bimbos with tattoos showing

Hormones raging with alcohol and heat

Game young women viewed like meat

 

Girls of all ages wearing shorts and vests

Tops that barely cover their chests

Those who dress nicely for the party

Drink too much and still look tarty

 

Short, skirted fillies showing all

Phone to their ear making endless calls

Stumbling about sucking on fags

Half drunk and acting like slag’s

 

From dawn till dusk they drink all day

Losing money and dignity along the way

Dressed in suits, beachwear or like clowns

A day out at the races on the Epsom downs

THE GRAND NATIONAL

 

Jockeys in bright coloured racing silk

Representing owners of every ilk

The horses fidget with ears pricked

Punter’s shout for the horse they picked

Ready for the off the tension mounts

A lot of money bet on turf accounts

They’re at the start now all in a line

The starter waits till all is fine

And they’re off, and the horses surge

Moving en mass like a cavalry charge

 

Powerful beasts of chestnut and grey
Doing battle on Grand National day
Hooves thunder hard past the rail
Who will win the race who will prevail

 

On they go riding at a steady rate

Five fences in the opening straight

Then the big one Becher’s Brook

Some don’t fancy it when they take a look

Then the Foinavon fence before Canal Turn

Valentines is then the next big concern

Three more fences and the field is thinning

Across the Melling Road and turning

Over two more fences before the Chair

Then the water jump, and halfway there

 

Powerful beasts of chestnut and grey
Doing battle on Grand National day
Hooves thunder hard past the rail
Who will win the race who will prevail

 

The crowd cheers loudly those who remain

As the magnificent beasts go around again

Along the straight five fences once more

Then Becher’s Brook counts its score

Beneath them the ground seems to quake

The leaders leaving fallers in their wake

Then the Foinavon fence before Canal Turn

Valentines is once again the big concern

Three more fences and the field is thinning

Across the Melling Road and turning

 

Powerful beasts of chestnut and grey
Doing battle on Grand National day
Hooves thunder hard past the rail
Who will win the race who will prevail

 

Two more fences and the volume gets loud

Almost home to the delight of the crowd

Jump the last fence and land ahead

Keep your wits about you, keep your head

The finishing straight the end in sight

Across the finish line to the crowds delight

For the winner at the end of the road

The great sporting accolade is bestowed

A spectacle on an afternoon well spent

For those who witness the great event