He was a serious swimmer
And was in the pool
constantly
But his progress was
halted
In his lane, by an
elderly lady
“How long must I wait?”
he asked
She replied “until I
finish my pee”
Sunday, 5 September 2021
HE WAS A SERIOUS SWIMMER
MURRAYFIELD RENAMED MUDDYFIELD
It had rained for days on end
The pitch had had its
fill
So much so that the
turf moved
But the scrum stayed
still
LONDON 2012 OPENING CEREMONY
Nothing surprised me more
About the 2012
Olympics
Than the opening
ceremony
It was astonishingly
good
I must admit I had my
doubts
I feared a parade of
stretch Limos
Disgorging scores of
scantily clad
Essex girls wearing
plastic tiaras
And a climax of the
ceremony
Would have been a
group
Of Hurray Henrys from
the city
Dropping their
trousers
And farting out a
rendition
Of Rule Britannia
Before one of the bare
arsed brokers
Would use an Olympic
torch
To light a fart
And subsequently
ignite
The Olympic flame
ARE YOU WEARING A REPLICA SHIRT?
Are you wearing a replica shirt?
So what team is it you support?
I don’t recognise the badge
THE INTERNATIONAL SAILING RESULTS ARE IN
The international sailing results are in
The GB took the gold medal once again
While Somalia took a middle-aged couple
Who were on holiday from Colerain
AT THE OLYMPICS THE ROMANIANS
At the Olympics the Romanians
Made a clean sweep
good and proper
Taking the Gold,
Silver and bronze
As well as all the
lead and copper
SIX BANNED WHEELCHAIR ATHLETES
Six banned Wheelchair athletes
From the Paralympics
team GB
Were found to have
tested positive
HE DIDN’T CUT A DASH
He did not in anyway
Cut a dash
His skinny legs
Hung below his shorts
Like two pieces
Of knotted string
And yet he ran
Like a gazelle
CLEAN AND JERK
I’ve just found out about the clean and jerk
I don’t mind saying I
feel a bit of a burke
In fact I doubt I
could feel any dafter
Because I generally
clean mine after
WE HAVE A MIDFIELD GENERAL # 2
We have a midfield General
Highly talented but
temperamental
A hard working terrier
But on a bad day he’s
just mental
THE GIMME
If the “Gimme Putt”
Is the best you can do
Then I would have to
say
That Golfs not for you
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