ACED

 

My uncle sadly died at Wimbledon

He was a killed by a tennis ball

I wasn’t too sad at the funeral

It was a lovely service after all

GOOD OLD FIFA

 

Good old FIFA

Are getting very fat

With a fee for this

And a fee for that

HERR BECKENBAUR

 

Oliver Khan was the man of the hour

If you talk to Mr. Beckenbaur

But it’s different it would seem

When he’s talking of the German team

Because if you put them in a sack

And gave the sack a mighty whack

Whoever it was received the blow

Would in no doubt deserve it so

WHO DOES HE SUPPORT?

 

“England are out what did you think?

What a free kick” he gave me a wink

“Those Brazilian’s are good though

Best team won don’t you think so?”

Now he wasn’t English that for certain

And he surely didn’t look Brazilian

Now there a clue a sardonic grin

He really must be of Celtic origin

FOUR YEARS TIME

 

They said we’d never make the trip

Along came Sven to steer the ship

Injury time deep we win a free kick

Golden balls scores with the final kick

 

The group of death they put us in

They said that not a game you’ll win

Well, we reached the quarterfinal

Losing to Brazilian’s inspirational

 

We will be back in four years’ time

To great new heights we will climb

Our place at the top we will regain

And we will win the world cup again

THE PRIDE OF ENGLAND

 

Everyone full of national pride

The atmosphere was electrified

St George’s cross’s everywhere

As our Englishness we’d share

They didn’t win the cup out east

While serving up a football feast

They won new friends out there

And hearts of people everywhere

Bringing new pride to the nation

And deserving of our admiration

DASH IT ALL

 

They called it the dash

Way back in the day

A short word for a short race

Dash was the right word to say

Now they call it the sprint

Like it’s something elite

It’s still just a short race

That’s been hijacked by the Effete

COOL PICK UP

 It's just impossible

As far as I can see

To look cool

While picking up a Frisbee

PATHLETICS

 

I hate most track athletes

But sprinters really get my goat

The fastest men on earth they claim

As they strut and preen and gloat

Running very fast in a straight line

Small beer for such a big ego

And they excel for less than ten seconds

Duration unimpressive to my wife I know

On the African plains they’d fail to impress

I can say that without being rude

In the eyes of a hunting lioness

They would be little more than fast food

BEST OF A DECADE

 

The soundtrack of the sixties

Was by Lennon and McCartney

But it was little Georgie Best

Who did the choreography

IT'S ONLY A GAME

“It's only a game,” they might say

It’s not a life and death thing

No one ever says, “It's only a game”

When their team is winning