DASH IT ALL

 

They called it the dash

Way back in the day

A short word for a short race

Dash was the right word to say

Now they call it the sprint

Like it’s something elite

It’s still just a short race

That’s been hijacked by the Effete

COOL PICK UP

 It's just impossible

As far as I can see

To look cool

While picking up a Frisbee

PATHLETICS

 

I hate most track athletes

But sprinters really get my goat

The fastest men on earth they claim

As they strut and preen and gloat

Running very fast in a straight line

Small beer for such a big ego

And they excel for less than ten seconds

Duration unimpressive to my wife I know

On the African plains they’d fail to impress

I can say that without being rude

In the eyes of a hunting lioness

They would be little more than fast food

BEST OF A DECADE

 

The soundtrack of the sixties

Was by Lennon and McCartney

But it was little Georgie Best

Who did the choreography

IT'S ONLY A GAME

“It's only a game,” they might say

It’s not a life and death thing

No one ever says, “It's only a game”

When their team is winning

DE BUGGING

 

There was an incident that occurred one Sunday morning in 2005 in Worthing Sussex.

It was during a Sunday morning football match between two potbellied pub teams made up of the usual mix of the overweight, the out of shape and the out of breath.

Five minutes before the interval while everyone’s attention was focused on one end of the pitch a man on a disabled vehicle trundled his way to the center circled where he parked.

He was instantly surrounded by irate players from both teams, when I say instantly it was as soon as the players could get there, and they may not have been irate at all they may just have overexerted themselves running half the length of the pitch.

The referee tried to calm the situation and decided to blow for half time early in order to defuse things.

The match officials questioned the man as to the nature of his protest and it turned out that he was fed up with players and spectators parking on and blocking the cycle path which was his access through the park.

The referee was sympathetic but explained he could do nothing about it and five minutes later the disabled gentleman was escorted from the pitch.

Fortunately, there were no further incidents in the second half and sadly there was no football either. 

OXFORD AND CAMBRIDGE

 

I have been a keen sports fan for many years

As my father was before me

But something has always puzzled us

And is in the back of our mind’s constantly

When it comes to the boat race final every year

Why is it the same two teams we always see

CHELSKI

 

Chelsea have won another match

They beat city two goals to one

They were a goal down though

Before they got the job done

Joe Cole scored the equalizer

Shot form twenty yards or more

It took one or two deflections

On the way, well actually it was four

 

Then Frank Lampard struck

From well outside the box

Wrong footing the keeper

After hitting the full backs buttocks

The ball deflected past the keeper

It hit both posts and the bar

Would it go in no one could see

Until it hit the head of the referee

YOU’LL LIKE THIS

Something that may get you in a fix

Is demonstrating fancy card tricks

For more than one serious gambler

Just before you’re about to play poker

PATHLETICS

I hate most track athletes
But sprinters really get my goat
The fastest men on earth they claim
As they strut and preen and gloat
Running very fast in a straight line
Small beer for such a big ego
And they excel for less than ten seconds
Duration unimpressive to my wife I know
On they African plains they’d fail to impress
I can say that without being rude
In the eyes of a hunting lioness
They would be little more than fast food

TO DRY GREENHOFF’S TEAR’S

 

1976, in May

Doc’s red army

Witnessed the young guns

Fail at Wembley

To that iffy goal

Scored by bobby stokes

When Coppell hill and co

Failed to beat McMenemy’s men

A motley crew

Of has-beens and nobody’s

The sick, the lame and the lazy

Won the day

2005, in May

The red army

Witnessed Fergie’s men

At St Mary’s

By two goals to one

Relegate them

To the championship

The old division two

Almost thirty years

The saints were a thorn in United’s flesh

Finally, the ghost of 76

Has been well and truly laid