A POLE DANCER AND A GYMNAST

 

A pole dancer and a gymnast

Hard working and skilled too

The only difference between them

Seems to be the quantity of tattoo

LONDON 2012 # 2

 

Alas I was in error

There is no end to the terror

Alas I was sadly wrong

The Olympic whinge goes on

THE MCCARTNEY TRIALS 2012

 

I enjoyed the Jubilee concert

It was a wonderful night

I thought the opening ceremony

For the games was just right

 

But before any other major events

I want to know one thing

When is someone going to tell sir Paul?

That he can’t bloody sing

I LOVE THE OLYMPICS

 

I love the Olympics

And now it’s on home soil

It gives us an opportunity

As our competitor’s toil

 

To see them taking part

In events of this and that

Of seeing all the many sports

The team GB are so awful at

LONDON 2012 # 1

 

After seven long years

Of blood sweat and tears

The games can commence

And that test of human endurance

Can come to an end

As we abandon that trend

That has made us all cringe

The seven-year Olympic whinge

BEACH VOLLEYBALL

 

I love the girl’s Beach Volleyball

I’m really very keen

It’s not like a proper beach though

For a start it’s just to clean

No cigarette ends or beer cans

And not a used condom to be seen

A GYMNAST AND A POLE DANCER

A gymnast and a pole dancer

Both skilled and both work hard

The only difference between them

It seems to me is a leotard 

SCRATCH GOLFER

 

I am a scratch golfer

And what that means my lad

Is I write down all my good scores

And scratch out the bad

ARE YOU WEARING A HORSES HEAD?

 

Are you wearing a horse’s head?

Are you supposed to be PUCK?

Oh, you’re running the marathon

Well, aren’t you the a silly fool

I LIKE THE SPORTING BANTER

I like the sporting banter

Surrounding sporting Rivalry

But there is a fine line

Separating it from tribalry 

GOLF MODE

 

A man got on the bus

And sat down next to Bimbette

He smiled warmly at her

And briefly their eyes met

 

Full of golf balls

His bulging front trouser pockets

Caught her attention

Her eyes almost left their sockets

 

He said "its golf balls."
And Bimbette said “Oh”

Then continued, "Does it hurt

As much as tennis elbow?"