MY HUSBAND MAKES LOVE TO ME

 

“My husband makes love to me

Like an Olympic athlete, honestly”

She boasted to her peers

“So, it’s once every four years”

OXFORD AND CAMBRIDGE

 

I have been a keen sports fan for many years

As my father was before me

But something has always puzzled us

And is in the back of our mind’s constantly

When it comes to the boat race final every year

Why is it the same two teams we always see

AN ENGLISHMAN WALKED INTO A PUB

 

An Englishman walked into a pub

But something was definitely up

There were no Irish, Welsh or Scots

Because they were still in the cup

THE ONLY GOOD THING ABOUT

 

The only good thing about

The advent of another Wimbledon

Is that it means you’re two weeks

Closer to football season

THE FOOTBALL ISN’T UP TO MUCH

 

The football isn’t up to much

We are all sensing doom

At half time the directors

Go off to the bored room

FOGHORN LEGHORN

 

Foghorn Leghorn

Was sent off the field today

The referee claimed

It was for persistent fowl play

BOFFINS ARE NOT THE SPORTY TYPE

 

Boffins are not the sporty type

But even a physicist called Bryan

Knows that he must exercise

Which he does by pumping ion

WHY CAN'T HOBO’S PLAY BASEBALL?

 

Why can't hobo’s play baseball?

At the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome?

Well, they say it’s nothing personal

It’s just that they can't find home

THERE REALLY IS NO TRICK TO IT

 

There really is no trick to it

The easiest way with no catch

To light up a football stadium

Is with a football match

OUR TEAM CAPTAIN TOOK TO THE FIELD

 

Our team captain took to the field

Carrying a piece of rope and the ball

Unconventional you might think

But he is the skipper after all

COACH JOSÉ MOURINHO

 

Coach José Mourinho

Likes to strut and preen

But doesn’t like to lose

And likes to cause a scene

He’s always crying foul

As he’s a real drama queen