I have been a keen sports fan
For as long as I can remember
And my father, since boyhood,
Is an even bigger fan than me
Having said that, there is an event
That has frankly always puzzled us
And that is the University Boat Race,
Which takes place on the Thames,
Between two coxed eight crews
So not the most thrilling event
But that’s not the puzzling part
What puzzle’s us is the participants
As it’s always Oxford and Cambridge
So how do they always get to the final?
Well now the Paralympics are over
The
call is coming loud and clear
To
accommodate those unfortunates
Whose
disadvantages were just too severe
For
them to be able to compete
So
following a simply inspired idea
Next
summer on the sporting Calendar
A
brand new event will appear
To
accommodate the unfortunates
When
the “Essex Games” begin next year
Amateurism, when participating
Was
more important than winning
Well
that idealism has been lost
Because
today it’s win at all cost
Alas I was in error
There
is no end to the terror
Alas
I was sadly wrong
The
Olympic whinge goes on
I was surprised Mario Balotelli left City
Though
it was surrounded in farce
I
would have thought it more likely
That
he’d disappear up his own arse
Boxing Day is very popular
For Sport of all kinds in the UK
But in our corner of the land
Trial Pursuit is order of the day
I love the Olympics
And
now it’s on home soil
It
gives us an opportunity
As
our competitors toil
To
see them taking part
In
events of this and that
Of
seeing all the many sports
The
team GB are so awful at
The Essex Games
Begin
next year
For
the Essex folk
Who
will appear
In
man made fibres
And
gaudy splendour
To
watch the best of them
In
their endeavours
When
Dave and Chelsea
Shazza
and Baz
Will
perform for us to watch
In
such events as
Copping
a strop
Vagazaling
The
stiletto 100m
And
the bling
Throwing
a tantrum
The
Alco pop crawl
The
face dive
And
the ungraceful fall
As
yet the events list
Is
relatively small
Unless
you can suggest
Anything
at all?
For the most splendid
Summer
of sport
We
should thank Lord Coe
And
all the ambassadors
All
the games makers
And
the volunteers
We
should thank the armed forces
For
stepping into the breech
Technicians
and officials
All
the competitors
For
performing to their best
And
the spectators
Just
for being there
And
last but by no means least
For
their foresight
All
those years ago
In
clearing the Olympic site
We
say a big thank you
To
the German Luftwaffe
We were at the weightlifting
Watching
the woman at work
My
friend shouted “great snatch”
I
said, “Isn’t this the clean and jerk?”
