THE MOST DEPRESSING THING ABOUT TENNIS

 

The most depressing thing about Tennis

Is that no matter how well I hit the ball

And how much time I spend practicing,

I'm never going to be as good as the wall

WITCHFINDER

 

Witchcraft abounds
In Wimbledon
This is a conclusion
That’s forgone
And there are witches
Everywhere
See if you can spot one
If you dare
Agassi is one and
That Tim’s a witch
And then there’s Goran
Even e’s a vitch

ANYONE FOR TENNIS = 2

 

If Andy Murray wins Wimbledon

He will be called a super brit

But if he fails like those before

He will be that dour Scottish git

SW19 CHEESE

 

When you are at Wimbledon

And you order a cheese baguette

The filling will most likely be,

Given the location, Tennis Raclette

COOL PICK UP

 

It's just impossible

As far as I can see

To look cool

While picking up a Frisbee

DON CAPELLO - SOUTH AFRICA 2010

 

Don Capello spoke of the “Big Mistake”

And a big performance is his wish

But sadly the outspoken John Terry

Will tonight be sleeping with the fish

THE BEST MAN FOR THE JOB # 2

 

Rafa is leaving Anfield

So, a new regime is brewing

There is a new job

That he is actively pursuing

And it’s a great shame

That a new club is wooing

The last thing Manchester wants

Is the prospect of Liverpool renewing

By employing a manager

Who actually knows what he’s doing

FAIR PLAY DIAGO - SOUTH AFRICA 2010

 

At the World Cup

Maradona has called for fair play

And he wants referees

To understand the meaning he says

He could perhaps give FIFA

An example of fair play

Like not punching the ball into the net

That would be one way

TIGER, TIGER - SHORT YARDAGE

 

Tiger can drive a golf ball

400 yards, effortlessly

But can only drive a car

Little more than three

THE DOMESTIC GAME

 

The beautiful game

Is one of different hues

It can redden your face

And cause marital blues

Especially when you add

An excess of cheap booze

When victory is achieved

Sex often ensues

But it’s a different story

If he watches them lose

He’ll wear a football shirt

And she’ll wear a bruise

The bigger the match

The shorter his fuse

As he rants and raves

She shakes in her shoes

At the final whistle

Full of anger and booze

He wears red and white

She wears black and blue

GO FOURTH

 

Who will finish fourth?

Will it be Liverpool?

Who will stake their claim?

Or will Aston Villa rule

Who will stand tall?

Will it be Man City?

That win the prize

Or will Spurs be sitting pretty

Who will go forth?

Into the Champions League

To dine at the top table

Who of these wannabes?

 

Liverpool were last the champions

More than 20 years ago

Aston villa weren’t crowned

For 30 years or so

Its more than 40 years

Since Man City won

And Spurs were last the winners

In 1961

 

But the Champion’s League beckons

For these wannabes

These trophyless also ran’s

How can that be?