For most of us weekend golfers
The only wood that is essential
To carry in your golf bag
Is a finely sharpened pencil
Sunday, 30 May 2021
PLAYING A WOOD
RUNNING GENES
Scientists say there are now
Running Genes
But surely it would chafe
If you ran in Jeans
Thursday, 20 May 2021
TO DRY GREENHOFF’S TEAR’S
1976, in May
Doc’s
red army
Witnessed
the young guns
Fail
at Wembley
To
that iffy goal
Scored
by bobby stokes
When
Coppell hill and co
Failed
to beat McMenemy’s men
A
motley crew
Of
has-beens and nobody’s
The
sick, the lame and the lazy
Won
the day
2005,
in May
The
red army
Witnessed
Fergie’s men
At
St Mary’s
By
two goals to one
Relegate
them
To
the championship
The
old division two
Almost
thirty years
The
saints were a thorn in United’s flesh
Finally,
the ghost of 76
Has
been well and truly laid
HERR BECKENBAUR
Oliver Khan the man of the hour
If you talk to Mr. Beckenbaur
But its different it would seem
When he's talking of the German team
Because if you put them in a sack
And gave the sack a mighty whack
Whoever it was received the blow
Would in no doubt deserve it so
IT’S A FUNNY OLD GAME
Every Saturday it’s the same old story
With are mates we bathe in the reflected glory
As our heroes play the beautiful game
We sing and cheer and chant their names
They get at them early doors in attack
A Drag back and he’s skinned the fullback
What skill he’s left the fullback for dead
The strikers there and wants it on his head
He heads the ball but no it’s hit the frame
The crowd all chant the strikers name
Another attack, Pass & move Give & go
The home teams putting on a great show
The ball comes to the striker as planned
But what a save it’s in the keeper’s hands
Again the ball comes to Johnny on the spot
He shoots did it go in? Was it a goal or not?
No goals and the last minute, one more chance
The fullback is passed like he’s in a trance
The balls in the middle and shot against the bar
The striker has an open goal he misses by far
We boo and jeer and chant their names
The striker is pants and it’s a funny old game
HAND OF GOD
It was in Mexico in nineteen eighty six
When English hearts sank to the floor
When England were to meet Argentina
In the world cup quarterfinal draw
On that infamous night it occurred
The event that made the spectators roar
Diego Maradonna their great player
Had to use his hand to help them score
The English players protested in vain
That Maradonna had used his hand
Amazingly the referee gave the goal
Something that I still don't understand
There was much discussion with the pundits
The video replay confirmed the cheating
Ironically his second goal was brilliant
And sealed the result of our defeating
Maradonna used a hand to help him score
But Diego claimed it was the hand of god
Argentina believes he is a national hero
The English all know he's a cheating sod
FOUR YEARS TIME
They said we’d never make the trip
Along came Sven to steer the ship
Injury time deep we win a free kick
Golden balls scores with the final kick
The group of death they put us in
They said that not a game you’ll win
Well we reached the quarterfinal
Losing to Brazilian’s inspirational
We will be back in four years’ time
To great new heights we will climb
Our place at the top we will regain
And we will win the world cup again
FORFAR 5 EAST FIFE 4
My boy has just got into football
Which is a very good thing after all
His choice of team worries me though
As he's chosen Charlton Athletico
I don't want to put him off football
But it's not Charlton Athletico at all
He may find the truth a bitter pill
As it's really Charlton Athletic nil
FOREIGN JOHNNY’S ON THE SPOT
When they show their skills, they earn our respect
After scoring they celebrate and genuflect
They have great skill which we respect
But their cheating is what we’ve come to expect
FOLLOW THAT MAN
Many years ago when
One hundred white men
Chased a single black man
It would have been the Klan
However we can be sure
Today it's just the PGA tour
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