BATSMEN WEAR A PROTECTIVE BOX

 

Batsmen wear a protective box

In order to ensure

That the bowler cannot

Rearrange his furniture

AS A MULTI SPORTS CLUB GRASSHOPPER

As a multi sports club Grasshopper

Club Zürich are just the ticket

They play a large number of sports

Though funnily enough Not Cricket

AT THIS YEAR’S INSECT SUPER BOWL

 At this year’s insect Super Bowl

The quarterback played dismally

Rimsky-Korsakov dropped the ball

It was the plight of the fumble Bee

WHY UNITED?

My mate asked me why

I’m a United fan

I replied that it was

Because my brother Dan

Supported the Reds,

Also my dad was a United man

And my mum was a

Lifelong United fan

So that was why I was also

A Man United fan

“That’s ridiculous” he said

“What if your brother was a thug?

Your mum was a prostitute

And your dad was on drugs

What would you be then?

You poor misguided fool?”

“Well obviously” I replied

“Then I'd support Liverpool”

THE FIRST TESTICULAR PROTECTION

 

The first testicular protection

Known as a "box" was introduced

In 1874

Whereas the first cranial protection

Known as a “helmet” was introduced

In 1974

So, it only took a hundred years

For Cricketers to figure out the score

That balls shouldn’t be more

Important than brains anymore

MASCOT

 

I was amused to see at the weekend that the Bolton Wanders mascot, a seven-foot Lion, was ordered by the referee to stay at the Bolton end of the ground in the first half because the Lion was confusing the Norwich City players.

At half time the Lion reappeared wearing the Bolton away strip and was allowed to resume his duties.

I can’t help thinking that Norwich City’s position at the foot of the premiership table may be related to their inability to differentiate between a seven-foot Lion and fellow footballers.

HE’S AN INSTINCTIVE PLAYER

 

He’s an instinctive player

A natural and prodigious talent

Or so they say, I think its

More by luck than judgment

ALL-TIME CLASSIC MOVIE FAVOURITES – FIELD OF DREAMS (1989)

 

“Field of Dreams” is a sports drama, screenplay by Phil Alden Robinson based on the novel by W.P.Kinsella and Directed by Phil Alden Robinson

In the extraordinary story, Iowa corn farmer Ray Kinsella (Kevin Costner) hears a voice in his corn field telling him, “If you build it, he will come” and he interpreted this message as an instruction to build a baseball diamond on his farm, with the support of his wife Annie (Amy Madigan) and daughter Karin (Gaby Hoffmann).

Upon completion of the diamond players appear from the corn, the ghosts of Shoeless Joe Jackson (Ray Liotta) and the other seven Chicago White Sox players who were banned from the game for throwing the 1919 World Series.

When the voices continue, Ray goes on the road to seek out a reclusive author Terence Mann (James Earl Jones) to help him understand the meaning of the messages and the purpose for his field.

Before they can head back to the farm they are directed to seek out Dr. Archibald 'Moonlight' Graham (Burt Lancaster) and find his ghost, and then on the way home they pick up a hitch hiker who turns out to be to young wannabee ball player, Archie Graham (Frank Whaley) and Kinsella has his ball team, but there is one more surprise for Ray when his father John (Dwier Brown) appears on the diamond.

Field Of Dreams is a Timeless Classic and a perfect example of a movie that finds meaning, not in aspects of the story, but rather in the underlying emotional core and heart that defines the story.

WHEN SATURDAY COMES

 

I support them as they’re from my hometown

I’ve supported them for years it would seem

Before the start of every single game at home

They announce the crowd changes to the team

 

Come next year the team may well be in Europe

But that would only happen if there is a war I fear

If you ask them “what time does the match start?”

They just reply “well what time can you get here”

 

The team does a lap of honor if they win the toss

This does at least get the meager crowd humming

To take the pressure off and to help our keeper

We put a Bell in the ball so he can hear it coming

 

We have the strongest team in the football league

From the bottom we have to hold the rest up

We're always the bookie's favorite for the drop

For we’ve never won a title a trophy or a cup

 

My father exposed me to this when I was a boy

Since, Saturday afternoons are spent in torture 

I now expose my children to sad match days

And their children will also suffer in the future

IF YOUR TEAM IS DOING WELL

 

If your team is doing well

You can carry a player with flare

But if they’re doing badly

He’s no more than a waste of air

WE HAVE A GREAT SCOTTISH INTERNATIONAL

 

We have a great Scottish international

By the name of Jim McKee

Well, when I say he’s a Scottish

His parents once went to Dundee