One of the football spectators
Obstructed the keepers
view
By standing between
the posts
Thursday, 13 April 2023
ONE OF THE FOOTBALL SPECTATORS
IRONIC ADVERTISING
I fell about laughing when I saw Serena
In an ironic
Advertisement for Tempur
As given her recent
display of stress
It should have been a “bad Tempur” mattress
SW19 CHEESE
When you are at Wimbledon
And you order a cheese
baguette
The filling will most
likely be,
Given the location,
Tennis Raclette
Thursday, 30 March 2023
ANXIOUS CRICKET
I went to my doctor today with a rash
While suffering acute
anxiety, because
Of a plan my Cricket
team were hatching
I suspected they were
about to drop me
Because my nickname
was butterfingers
Its ok though as what
I've got isn’t catching
I’M A REALLY KEEN CRICKET FAN AND
I’m a really keen cricket fan and
This summer I’ve
watched it everyday
But now it’s over and
I have discovered
That my wife left me
back in May
MOURINHO OUT
Mourinho took control of the United Bus
However he repeatedly
parked the Bus
But then he threw players
under the Bus
So now it’s time for him to catch a Bus
BEING AN ENGLAND SUPPORTER
Being an England supporter
At a World Cup or
Euro’s melee
Is likened to
over-optimistic parents
Of the fat kid on
sports day
GIVE ME GOLF CLUBS
Give me Golf clubs, fresh air
And partner beautiful
and fair
And to be honest you
can keep
The Golf clubs and the
fresh air
A paraphrasing of one
of the great Jack Benny’s gags
GOLFING EXPECTATIONS
I was retired and played quite a lot of Golf
I teed off hoping for
a good round ahead
And had the intention
of shooting my age,
But unfortunately I
shot my weight instead
A paraphrasing of one
of the great Bob Hope’s gags
MIDDLE AGED EXERCISE
I have found in middle age
When I’m exercising
The best one for my
core
Seems to be keeping a
fart in
WHAT IS YOUR EXCERSISE REGIME?
“What is your exercise regime?”
I was asked by my new
personal trainer
I said if I already
had a regime
I wouldn’t need a
personal trainer
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