GOLFING EXPECTATIONS

 

I was retired and played quite a lot of Golf

I teed off hoping for a good round ahead

And had the intention of shooting my age,

But unfortunately I shot my weight instead

 

A paraphrasing of one of the great Bob Hope’s gags

MIDDLE AGED EXERCISE

 

I have found in middle age

When I’m exercising

The best one for my core

Seems to be keeping a fart in

WHAT IS YOUR EXCERSISE REGIME?

 

“What is your exercise regime?”

I was asked by my new personal trainer

I said if I already had a regime

I wouldn’t need a personal trainer

A CARICATURE OF A RESPONSE

 

To exaggerate characteristics

For humorous effect is how

A Caricature is intended

It’s ironic the reaction to it

By Rowling and the like

Has also been exaggerated 

MASSIVE OVEREACTION

 

Portraying Serena as an angry black woman

In the Herald Sun wasn’t racist in anyway

As she was Angry, and she is a black woman

And it was a caricature at the end of the day

OWN IT SERENA

It wasn’t sexist, and it wasn’t unfair

Nor was it racist Serena, let’s be fair

The truth is you threw a huge tantrum

Because you knew your day was done 

GUTTERBALL

 

It is inevitable I suppose

Even though they deserve better

That old bowling balls

Will end up in the gutter

GOLF AND PORN

He was flicking channels between Golf and porn

So, he asked his wife “Which one should I watch eh?”

“For Heaven's sake, watch the porn” she snapped

“Golf! That you already know how to play” 

OLYMPIC CONDOMS

 

“My Olympic condoms have arrived”

A husband told his wife excitedly

“I think I’ll wear gold tonight” he said

And her shoulder’s slumped resignedly

“I would rather you wore silver and came

second for a change” she replied sweetly

GOLF IS LIKE MARRIAGE

 

Golf is like marriage, firstly

Both are very costly

And they won't work if you take

Yourself too seriously

THE GAME OF GOLF IS

 

The game of Golf is

A unique sport in my view

In which your most feared

Opponent is in fact you.