GOLF AND PORN

He was flicking channels between Golf and porn

So, he asked his wife “Which one should I watch eh?”

“For Heaven's sake, watch the porn” she snapped

“Golf! That you already know how to play” 

OLYMPIC CONDOMS

 

“My Olympic condoms have arrived”

A husband told his wife excitedly

“I think I’ll wear gold tonight” he said

And her shoulder’s slumped resignedly

“I would rather you wore silver and came

second for a change” she replied sweetly

GOLF IS LIKE MARRIAGE

 

Golf is like marriage, firstly

Both are very costly

And they won't work if you take

Yourself too seriously

THE GAME OF GOLF IS

 

The game of Golf is

A unique sport in my view

In which your most feared

Opponent is in fact you.

GOLF IS A HARD GAME TO FATHOM

Golf is a hard game to fathom.

One day you will play,

And slice it and shank it,

Hit every trap along the way

And miss every green,

But then on the next day

You go out and for no reason

At all, you really can’t play

A GIMME

 

“Gimme” is a famous Golfing term

Best described as an agreement

Between two like-minded Golfers,

Whose putting is to their detriment

A MULLIGAN

The Golfing term “mulligan”

Is actually a contraction

Of the phrase “muller it again”

GOLFING PERFECTION

Golfers who try to make

Everything perfect before they take

The shot will not improve their lot

And rarely make a perfect shot

GOLF V BASEBALL

 

Golf is undoubtedly

Harder than baseball.

As in Golf, you must

Play your foul balls

GOLF IS A MENTAL GAME

 

Golf is a mental game

And I don’t mean cerebral

You have to hit down

To make the ball go up.

You swing left and

The ball goes right

The lowest score wins.

And if that’s not mad enough,

The winner buys the drinks.

But if you get a hole in one

You buy the whole bar a drink

FIRST GRADE CADDY

 

His five-year-old nephew wanted

To caddy for him on his Golf round

“You have to count my strokes,

So, your counting has to be sound”

The Uncle explained, then asked

“How much is six, plus nine?”

“Five,” answered the nephew.

The Uncle said, “Ok that’s fine”