ON THE WICKET AT LORDS

 

On the wicket at Lords

Is there any finer sight

Than the sun shining

On a bowler in full flight

MARADONA’S HEALTH SCARE

 

Diago Maradona collapsed after

Watching the Argentinian team

And medics then found a quantity

Of blood in his cocaine stream

KEEPING THE BALL

 

Having the most possession

In a match, doesn’t really count

If the opposing team doesn’t want

The football on any account

WORLD CUP RUSSIA 2018 – ENGLAND 0, BELGIUM 1

 

The old England are back,

I don’t know where they’ve bin’

But from a position of strength

They fucked up agin’

They’ve managed to lose,

Very much to their chagrin,

To a weak Belgium team,

Who didn’t even want to win

THE ROYAL AND ANCIENT AND A SAINT

 

I know little about St Andrew

Other than a shared name

With a famous Golf course

So, he must have liked a game

OUR STAR SPRINTER IS NOT A LOOKER

 

Our star sprinter is not a looker

But that doesn’t bother us

We still cheer him to the rafters

But we do call him Fastidious

FOGHORN LEGHORN LEFT

 

Foghorn Leghorn left

The basketball court

Wearing a scowl

Because he misunderstood

When he heard

The ref blew a foul

THE PRESIDENT OF CHESS CLUB # 2

 

The president of Chess Club

Was toying with his bishop

Then his mum walked in

And told him he had to stop

AN ENGLISHMAN WALKED INTO A PUB

 

An Englishman walked into a pub

But something was definitely up

There were no Irish, Welsh or Scots

Because they were still in the cup

MY HUSBAND MAKES LOVE TO ME

“My husband makes love to me

Like an Olympic athlete, honestly”

She boasted to her peers

“So it’s once every four year” 

THE MOST DEPRESSING THING ABOUT TENNIS

 

The most depressing thing about Tennis

Is that no matter how well I hit the ball

And how much time I spend practising,

I'm never going to be as good as the wall