CINDERELLA’S TEAM IS BOTTOM OF THE LEAGUE # 1

Cinderella’s team is bottom of the league

They’re even lower than the bumpkins

But it’s obvious why they struggle

Because the team coach is a pumpkin 

ONE OF MY TEACHERS IS A RUNNER

 

One of my teachers is a runner

He does it fanatically

But I don’t have him for PE

I have him for Jog-raphy

I WAS BEATEN UP BY A HULA HOOP

 

I was beaten up by a hula hoop

A round, bad-tempered fink

It was a totally unprovoked attack

It was a “vicious circle” I think

THE CANNIBAL OF AJAX – BRAZIL 2014

 

Whether you call him Lucho

Or El Pistolero 

Or the cannibal of Ajax

Or even El Conejo

Suarez needs to understand

Biting people is a no no

BIMBETTE ENTERED A SWIMMING COMPETITION

 

Bimbette entered a swimming competition

In the breaststroke much to her alarm

She came last and claimed she was cheated

As the other swimmers used their arms

I LOVE IT WHEN WE BEAT THE AUSSIES

 

I love it when we beat the Aussies

It’s a bit of a passion of mine

Because they are such bad losers

I’m way up on cloud nine

I like to ask them, “Would you like

Some cheese with that whine?”

A YOUNG WOMAN GOLFER

 

A young woman golfer had just started

Her round, when she was stung by a Bee,

It was so painful she abandoned the game

And returned to the clubhouse for sympathy

 

Her golf pro saw her as she returned

And wondered why she was back so early 

So he went to ask her what was wrong

And she told him “'I was stung by a Bee”

 

“Oh dear, that’s awful” he said “Where?”

He was sympathetic right from the start

“Between the first and second hole”

She replied wincing at the stings smart.

He nodded knowingly and said

“Then your feet were too far apart”

A QUICK BITE – BRAZIL 2014

 

Luis Suarez thought the response

To his biting Chiellini quite amazing

He couldn’t understand the outcry

As for a cannibal he was only grazing

HEROES RETURN – BRAZIL 2014

 

England will fly home

Into Glasgow Airport

Thus ensuring, a heroes

Welcome of a sort

I NEVER THOUGHT THE DAY WOULD COME

 

I never thought the day would come

In fact I would have thought it absurd

When the Football sense of “Brazilian”

Wasn’t the most popular use of the word  

WHEN I SAW MR MESSI PLAY

 

When I saw Mr Messi play

I was disappointed I must say

I had to take a second look

But he was nothing like in the book