If footballers spent more time
Training and practising
their skills
Instead of feeling the
sting
Of the tattoo artists
drills
They would gain the
fans respect
Instead of looking
like utter pills
Tuesday, 19 July 2022
IF FOOTBALLERS SPENT MORE TIME
DOWN AT THE STABLES
Down at the stables
We have a dirty phone
caller
Who we have nicknamed
The hoarse Whisperer
A PHYSICAL JERK
I never take any form
Of physical exercise
I don’t want to be fit
If I see a jogger with
A smile on their face
Then I might try it
Friday, 15 July 2022
ELATED JOCKEY
Jumping the last, sure footed,
Never a
hint that he may fall
And after winning
the race
The jockey
felt five feet tall
BRENTFORD VERSUS WATFORD
Brentford versus Watford,
Is
basically me against my cousin
The Bee’s
against the Hornet’s
I’m telling
you we’re buzzin
ONE OF THE TEAMS AT THE OLYMPICS
One of the teams at the Olympics
Made a
clean sweep good and proper
Taking the
Gold, Silver and bronze
As well as
all the lead and copper
MURRAYFIELD RENAMED MUDDYFIELD
It had rained for days on end
The pitch
had had its fill
So much so
that the turf moved
But the
scrum stayed still
LONDON 2012 OPENING CEREMONY
Nothing surprised me more
About the
2012 Olympics
Than the
opening ceremony
It was
astonishingly good
I must
admit I had my doubts
I feared a
parade of stretch Limos
Disgorging
scores of scantily clad
Essex girls
wearing plastic tiaras
And a
climax of the ceremony
Would have
been a group
Of Hurray
Henrys from the city
Dropping
their trousers
And farting
out a rendition
Of Rule
Britannia
Before one
of the bare arsed brokers
Would use
an Olympic torch
To light a
fart
And
subsequently ignite
The Olympic
flame
THE INTERNATIONAL SAILING RESULTS ARE IN
The international sailing results are in
The GB took
the gold medal once again
While Somalia took a middle-aged couple
Who were on holiday from Colerain
AT THE OLYMPICS THE ROMANIANS
At the Olympics the Romanians
Made a
clean sweep good and proper
Taking the
Gold, Silver and bronze
As well as
all the lead and copper
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