GREAT DEPRESSION

 

I have been diagnosed with depression

But I won’t let it beat me

I have been on the Internet

And I’ve found the treatment for me

It’s the 18-step plan

And I start on the first tee

PRIORITISING

 

Players perform elaborate routines

When goals are scored by my team

They must practise them for days

But I would prefer in many ways

That the celebration performers

Would practise defending corners

IN THE PROGRAM THEY SAY

 

In the program they say

He’s a real seasoned player

But what they really mean

Is he’s past it the poor geezer

WE HAVE A GREAT IRISH INTERNATIONAL

 

We have a great Irish international

By the name of Kevin O’Rourke

Well, when I say he’s Irish

His parents once went to Cork

VERY ECONOMICAL WITH THE BALL

 

Very economical with the ball

That is a quality worth merit

Our captain is only economical

As he’s too slow to get near it

WE HAVE A GREAT WELSH INTERNATIONAL

 

We have a great Welsh international

Known affectionately as Griff

Well, when I say he’s Welsh

His parents once went to Cardiff

IN THE PROGRAM THEY SAY OF HIM

 

In the program they say of him

That he is a loyal player to the team

But in truth no other club

Will have him it would seem

THE GIMME

 

If the “Gimme Putt”

Is the best you can do

Then I would have to say

That Golfs not for you

WE HAVE A MIDFIELD GENERAL # 1

 

We have a midfield General

Who’s really completive and hard

But everyone that we play

Just think he’s a dirty bastard

THE PRACTICE SWING

If your practice swing

Is the best you can do

Then I would have to say

That Golfs not for you

FOUL WEATHER GOLFER

 

If you don’t mind playing Golf in the rain,

Snow, Storm, Tempest or a hurricane,

Then not wishing to burst your bubble

It’s not just your golf game that’s in trouble