THE PRACTICE SWING

If your practice swing

Is the best you can do

Then I would have to say

That Golfs not for you

FOUL WEATHER GOLFER

 

If you don’t mind playing Golf in the rain,

Snow, Storm, Tempest or a hurricane,

Then not wishing to burst your bubble

It’s not just your golf game that’s in trouble

A GOLF OF DIFFERENCE

 

I have been playing Golf for years

And sometimes it makes me curse

But it doesn’t matter how bad I play

I know next time it could be worse

PLAYING A WOOD

 

For most of us weekend golfers

The only wood that is essential

To carry in your golf bag

Is a finely sharpened pencil

THE VICTORIANS

 

The Victorians

Invented a lot of sports

Or if not invented,

Encouraged their development

As a means of instilling, fair play

Teamwork and discipline

Into the next generation

As way of training the youth

For life in the wider world

I don’t know how

The Victorians would view

The sportsmen and women of today

Not favourably I suspect

RUNNING GENES

 

Scientists say there are now

Running Genes

But surely it would chafe

If you ran in Jeans

INDUSTRIALISED SPORT

 

Sport was industrialised by the Soviet Union

To promote communism

And not the money hungry capitalist west

But it profited capitalism

AMATEURISM

 

Amateurism, when participating

Was more important than winning

Well that idealism has been lost

Because today it’s win at all cost

TRANSFER SURPRISE

 

I was surprised Mario Balotelli left City

Though it was surrounded in farce

I would have thought it more likely

That he’d disappear up his own arse

I RAN A PERSONAL BEST

 

I ran a personal best

In the 100 metres

And my new record is

Almost 80 metres

I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN INTO THE OCCULT

 

I have always been into the occult

I think the spirits interest me the most

So, the Paralympics disappointed me

Because I didn’t see a single ghost