The Victorians
Invented a lot of
sports
Or if not invented,
Encouraged their
development
As a means of
instilling, fair play
Teamwork and
discipline
Into the next
generation
As way of training the
youth
For life in the wider
world
I don’t know how
The Victorians would
view
The sportsmen and
women of today
Not favourably I
suspect
Scientists say there are now
Running Genes
But surely it would
chafe
If you ran in Jeans
Sport was industrialised by the Soviet Union
To promote communism
And not the money
hungry capitalist west
But it profited
capitalism
Amateurism, when participating
Was more important
than winning
Well that idealism has
been lost
Because today it’s win
at all cost
I was surprised Mario Balotelli left City
Though it was
surrounded in farce
I would have thought
it more likely
That he’d disappear up
his own arse
I have always been into the occult
I think the spirits
interest me the most
So, the Paralympics
disappointed me
Because I didn’t see a
single ghost
At the Essex Games
Beginning next year
For the Essex folk
Have hit a snack I
fear
On health safety
grounds
There will be no swimming
Because it has
transpired
That the pool was
brimming
With dirty brown water
When every girl and
man
Had dived into the
pool
Wearing too much fake
tan
We were at the weightlifting
Watching the woman at
work
My friend shouted
“great snatch”
I said, “Isn’t this
the clean and jerk?”
For the most splendid
Summer of sport
We should thank Lord
Coe
And all the
ambassadors
All the games makers
And the volunteers
We should thank the
armed forces
For stepping into the
breech
Technicians and
officials
All the competitors
For performing to
their best
And the spectators
Just for being there
And last but by no
means least
For their foresight
All those years ago
In clearing the
Olympic site
We say a big thank you
To the German
Luftwaffe
The Essex Games
Begin next year
For the Essex folk
Who will appear
In manmade fibres
And gaudy splendour
To watch the best of
them
In their endeavours
When Dave and Chelsea
Shazza and Baz
Will perform for us to
watch
In such events as
Copping a strop
Vagazaling
The stiletto 100m
And the bling
Throwing a tantrum
The Alco pop crawl
The face dive
And the ungraceful
fall
As yet the events list
Is relatively small
Unless you can suggest
Anything at all?
