TIGER, TIGER - OUT AND ABOUT

 

Elin was asked what she and Tiger were doing

Out and about in the early hours of the morning

She said she couldn’t answer for Tiger

But for herself she was out clubbing

A DISAPPOINTING DRAW, ENGLAND 0, ALGERIA 0, - SOUTH AFRICA 2010

 

“We are disappointed with the draw

Against this piss poor team today”

“We consider it two points dropped”

Said a spokesman of the Algerian FA

FULHAM’S FOLLY

 

Outside a football ground in London

At Craven Cottage, the home of Fulham

Stands a statue of Wacko Jacko

Why is it there? I don’t know

What is he doing in West London eh?

Is it because when Fulham play

They are not all black or all white

Not unlike Jackson himself, is that right?

Or is it just that Al Fayed my old lad

You are really barking mad

EXTREME SPORTS TIP # 1

 

You don’t need a parachute

To go skydiving

Unless you want to make it

A regular thing

ENGLISH DEFENDERS LEAGUE

 

Goals scored in the premiership

Reached record numbers on Saturday

But that’s what happens when you hold

An EDL rally on the same day

TIGER, TIGER -TRAPPINGS

Being on the top of his sport

Tiger Woods is wealthy,

And he enjoys the trappings

Of being financially healthy

He has bought luxury cars

With what he has won

Once all in pristine condition

But now has a hole-in-one.

INTRUDER ALERT - SOUTH AFRICA 2010

 

After security failures

In South Africa

Surrounding England

In particular

FIFA want to ascertain

How certain individuals

Could gain entry

Without credentials

To England’s dressing room

The ones causing most worry

Were Emile Heskey

Glen Johnson and Gareth Barry

BLATTER’S FOLLY

 

Everyone wants a video ref in the game

There are no dissenting voices I can name

Fans shout their support and managers want it

Players are in favour and even the refs want it

Because it is a change that really matters

Everybody wants its except Mr Blatter

MUMMY’S BOYS

 

I long since came to terms

Since John Barnes set the trend

With footballers wearing gloves

To keep their little pandies warm

I am less understanding

Of players taking to the field

With tights beneath their shorts

But it seems I must accept it

But the line has to be drawn somewhere

And that line was crossed

This very weekend

I was shocked beyond belief

To see a player take to the field of play

Wearing a muffler about his neck

ALL IN THE GAME

 

Shaven headed barbarians

And tattooed savages

Strut with preening peacocks

In performing their pantomime

While their vengeful tribes

With banners held high

Chant their rhythmic cacophony

Faces distorted with hate

 

On the field of honour

They grapple and kick

They push and pull

They dive and roll

Assault and assail

Connive and cheat

 

In unforgiving onslaughts

They perform for baying hordes

A vile and brutal spectacle

Always referred to

As the beautiful game

TIGER, TIGER - TIPS AND POINTERS

 

Elin’s phone hasn’t stopped

Since the tale hit the papers

Every golfer in the world

Wants to speak to her

To get some pointers

On how to beat Tiger