LOOSE MORALS #1

 

She was without her knickers at Twickers

There was a little thatch at Brans Hatch

There was a blushing fellow at flushing meadow

When she was legs akimbo in the limo

THE DOMESTIC GAME

 

The beautiful game

Is one of different hues

It can redden your face

And cause marital blues

Especially when you add

An excess of cheap booze

When victory is achieved

Sex often ensues

But it’s a different story

If he watches them lose

He’ll wear a football shirt

And she’ll wear a bruise

The bigger the match

The shorter his fuse

As he rants and raves

She shakes in her shoes

At the final whistle

Full of anger and booze

He wears red and white

She wears black and blue

INTERNATIONAL BAN - SOUTH AFRICA 2010

 

Goodluck Jonathon’s response to the failure

Of the Nigeria team in South Africa

Is to ban them from internationals

For the next two year which is radical

 

The English FA considered doing the same

For the good of the English game

But decided not to at an FA meeting

As no one would notice England not competing

 

FIFA # 3

 

The beautiful game,

Is the life blood

Coursing through their veins

These guardians,

These stewards and rule makers

It fills their every waking moment

 

On the other hand

They actually think

 

Football

Is interesting

For

About a minute

PLAYING AROUND

 

She was my little sex kitten

Lively and playful

Very kittenish indeed

I had long hankered after her

With her Reassuring curvaceousness

And the feeling was apparently mutual.

She had a liking for the open air

And a penchant for the dangerous

So, while her husband played 18 holes

We played around

And made love in the long grass

Beside the eighteenth green

FAIR PLAY DIAGO - SOUTH AFRICA 2010

 

At the world cup

Maradona has called for fair play

And he wants referees

To understand the meaning, he says

He could perhaps give FIFA

An example of fair play

Like not punching the ball into the net

That would be one way

THE BEST MAN FOR THE JOB # 2

 

Rafa is leaving Anfield

So, a new regime is brewing

There is a new job

That he is actively pursuing

And it’s a great shame

That a new club is wooing

The last thing Manchester wants

Is the prospect of Liverpool renewing

By employing a manager

Who actually knows what he’s doing

 

HARE COURSING

 

On the whole,

No pun intended,

It was a pleasant day

On the Golf course

The sun was warm

The wind was light

The golf was

A mixture of the sublime

And the ridiculous

A day of ups and downs

As my scorecard testified

But the par 4 15th

Was a different story

I had hit a crisp drive

From the elevated tee

And away it flew

Straight down the middle

As Bing once sang

It landed just short of the dog leg

Kicked to the right

And rolled perfectly round the turn

After such a shot

You feel ten feet tall

As you stride down the fairway

And I felt every inch of it

When I reached my ball

I found it sitting up invitingly

And with an unhindered path to the green

I had a birdie chance.

Slightly ahead and to the right

A rather large Rabbit,

Was enjoying the afternoon sun

Blissfully unaware of what was to come

I selected my club

And addressed the ball

“Just hit it straight”

I told myself

I swung the club towards the ball

In a perfect ark

But I must have lifted my head

Because there was an ugly contact

And the ball sliced away

In the direction of the Rabbit

Now had he just stayed still

He would have lived

But alas at the sound of the sliced contact

The Rabbit leapt vertically in the air

Straight into the path of the ball

And died instantly

Now looking back, I could have claimed

That the Rabbit put me off

But it didn’t really

If the ball had followed its path

I would have been out of bounds

So, the Rabbit sacrificed himself

To save my par

FIFA # 2

 

Guardians of the game,

Well respected,

Famed for their integrity

Their stewardship and

Honest endeavour

 

On the other hand

 

Few

In

Football

Agree

NICE ONE HENRY # 2

 

FIFA are on a mission

Disrespect for refs they want to defeat

An admirable ambition indeed

But first they need to stamp out cheats

Its spread from normal quarters

To Thierry Henry who to his ignominy

Handled the ball to keep it in play

An offence done quite deliberately

Which was compounded by his lie,

That it happened accidentally

TIGER, TIGER - CHOICES

 

Tiger Woods was undecided,

Iron or wood that was the quandary

Eventually he settled on

A Fire hydrant followed by a tree