LET’S SPLIT

I’ve always wanted to learn to do the splits

It’s an ambition since my earliest days

The guy at the gym said, “How flexible are you?”

I replied, “I can do any day but Tuesdays”

THE BEST MAN FOR THE JOB # 1

 

Rafa is staying at Anfield

So no new regime is brewing

There is no new job

That he is actively pursuing

And it’s a great relief

That no new club is wooing

The last thing Manchester wants

Is the prospect of Liverpool renewing

By employing a manager

Who actually knows what he’s doing

DRESSING UP

 

They are the supporters

Watching their team play

On terraces far and wide

Home and away

 

When flags are waved

They dress with pride

With painted faces

And deep joy inside

 

But when the whistle blows

And the dream is at an end

Tears stain the cheeks

As friend hugs friend

 

They dressed with a joy

That they wanted to express

But there is nothing sadder

Than sad fancy dress

HOWARDS END - SOUTH AFRICA 2010

 

Well England made it to the final

Though alas only the refereeing chap

But like the England team before him

Howard Webb was really crap

ORIGAMI CLUB

When I was at Uni

I joined an origami club

It was only small

And we met at the local pub

But it didn’t last long

If truth be told

The membership dwindled

And it had to fold 

TIGER, TIGER - THE TIGER

 

Tiger, Tiger, what a plight

Laying prone out like a light

What mortal hand blacked your eye?

And left you staring at the sky

 

What greater wounds would be

On your bruised and battered body

If your wife had on reflection

Thought carefully about her club selection

ANYONE FOR TENNIS # 1

 

For Henman fans Andy Murray

Doesn’t do it for them

And for his on-court aggression

They criticize him

But if you remove his aggression

You’re left with Tim

WOKINGS WOES

 

After a dismal start to the season

Woking are slowest out the blocks

With two points from seven games

The crowd are angry to their socks

They have singled out a scapegoat

A target for their jeers and mocks

and they call the new striker “jigsaw”

Because he goes to pieces in the box

DASH IT ALL

 

They called it the dash

Way back in the day

A short word for a short race

Dash was the right word to say

Now they call it the sprint

Like it’s something elite

It’s still just a short race

That’s been hijacked by the Effete

UPON THE CHESSBOARD

 

Upon the chessboard

The pieces move

And change their futures

Their course and direction

And I want that

I want to make a move

In a different direction

Toward a different future

I will set a new course

And face what presents itself

There is nothing I can’t do

CRISIS? WHAT IS A CRISIS?

 

The FIFA barons

Just keep getting fatter

The fattest of all are

Warner and Blatter

And despite revelations

And newspaper chatter

The president contends

It’s an internal matter