ORIGAMI CLUB

When I was at Uni

I joined an origami club

It was only small

And we met at the local pub

But it didn’t last long

If truth be told

The membership dwindled

And it had to fold 

TIGER, TIGER - THE TIGER

 

Tiger, Tiger, what a plight

Laying prone out like a light

What mortal hand blacked your eye?

And left you staring at the sky

 

What greater wounds would be

On your bruised and battered body

If your wife had on reflection

Thought carefully about her club selection

ANYONE FOR TENNIS # 1

 

For Henman fans Andy Murray

Doesn’t do it for them

And for his on-court aggression

They criticize him

But if you remove his aggression

You’re left with Tim

WOKINGS WOES

 

After a dismal start to the season

Woking are slowest out the blocks

With two points from seven games

The crowd are angry to their socks

They have singled out a scapegoat

A target for their jeers and mocks

and they call the new striker “jigsaw”

Because he goes to pieces in the box

DASH IT ALL

 

They called it the dash

Way back in the day

A short word for a short race

Dash was the right word to say

Now they call it the sprint

Like it’s something elite

It’s still just a short race

That’s been hijacked by the Effete

UPON THE CHESSBOARD

 

Upon the chessboard

The pieces move

And change their futures

Their course and direction

And I want that

I want to make a move

In a different direction

Toward a different future

I will set a new course

And face what presents itself

There is nothing I can’t do

CRISIS? WHAT IS A CRISIS?

 

The FIFA barons

Just keep getting fatter

The fattest of all are

Warner and Blatter

And despite revelations

And newspaper chatter

The president contends

It’s an internal matter

HUNTIN’ SHOOTIN’ AND TIPPIN’

 

There was a craze not long ago

A kind of country pursuit

A sport known as cow tipping

Perpetrated by callow youth

 

Now due to the recession

There is a new craze to report

A rural epidemic, fly tipping

It’s popular but not much of a sport

A GOOD SPORT

 

If you are thinking of taking up a sport

Then here’s a thought

If you are going to try cross-country skiing

This is what I’m thinking

Make sure you are well equipped to ski

And start with a small country

I WAS BEATEN UP BY A HULA HOOP

 

I was beaten up by a hula hoop

A round, bad-tempered fink

It was a totally unprovoked attack

It was a “vicious circle” I think

DON’T MAKE ME LAUGH

 

Laughing is good for you

The effect is known worldwide

Laughing is good for you

The benefits cannot be denied

Laughing is like exercise

It's like you’re jogging on the inside