DASH IT ALL

 

They called it the dash

Way back in the day

A short word for a short race

Dash was the right word to say

Now they call it the sprint

Like it’s something elite

It’s still just a short race

That’s been hijacked by the Effete

UPON THE CHESSBOARD

 

Upon the chessboard

The pieces move

And change their futures

Their course and direction

And I want that

I want to make a move

In a different direction

Toward a different future

I will set a new course

And face what presents itself

There is nothing I can’t do

CRISIS? WHAT IS A CRISIS?

 

The FIFA barons

Just keep getting fatter

The fattest of all are

Warner and Blatter

And despite revelations

And newspaper chatter

The president contends

It’s an internal matter

HUNTIN’ SHOOTIN’ AND TIPPIN’

 

There was a craze not long ago

A kind of country pursuit

A sport known as cow tipping

Perpetrated by callow youth

 

Now due to the recession

There is a new craze to report

A rural epidemic, fly tipping

It’s popular but not much of a sport

A GOOD SPORT

 

If you are thinking of taking up a sport

Then here’s a thought

If you are going to try cross-country skiing

This is what I’m thinking

Make sure you are well equipped to ski

And start with a small country

I WAS BEATEN UP BY A HULA HOOP

 

I was beaten up by a hula hoop

A round, bad-tempered fink

It was a totally unprovoked attack

It was a “vicious circle” I think

DON’T MAKE ME LAUGH

 

Laughing is good for you

The effect is known worldwide

Laughing is good for you

The benefits cannot be denied

Laughing is like exercise

It's like you’re jogging on the inside

BIMBETTE ENTERED A SWIMMING COMPETITION

 

Bimbette entered a swimming competition

In the breaststroke much to her alarm

She came last and claimed she was cheated

As the other swimmers used their arms

I LIVE IN A SMALL WINDMILL

 

I live in a small windmill

I’ve never lived in one before

It’s in a little seaside town

On the promenade by the shore

It’s nice, apart from the golf balls

That keep coming thru the door

BLONDSKI

Bimbette always wanted to go water skiing

And desperately wanted to fulfil her hope

But despite a lengthy and extensive search

She was unable to find a Lake with a slope.

 

BACK IN 66

 

Back in 66

When I was just a boy

I was full of pride

Watching Nobby’s jig of joy

And when Bobby Moore

Was raised shoulder high

Holding the World Cup

It made every Scotsman cry