THE PRESIDENT OF CHESS CLUB # 1

 

The president of Chess Club

Was rushed into moving his pawn

When he heard his mum planned

To search his bedroom at dawn

BRAZIL ARE OUT - 2014

 

Brazil are out

But nobody figured

They’d be well

And truly Müllered

IF YOU WERE TO TRAIN QUASIMODO

 

If you were to train Quasimodo

For an American footballer game

The result of training would be

The Halfback of Notre Dame

ARGENTINA V HOLLAND – BRAZIL 2014

 

At last the surprises are over

Forget what has gone before

We got a proper semi final

A complete and utter bore

BRAZIL 1970

 

The Brazil side was

The best I’ve ever seen

They were the best

Team that’s ever been

 

Pele, Rivelino and

Jairzinho, Holy Trinity

Of the Champions

In Nineteen seventy

ARE YOU WEARING BEER GOGGLES?

 

Are you wearing beer goggles?

That’s a definite I reckon

Because I look like Iain Dowie

But you see David Beckham

MY HUSBAND MAKES LOVE TO ME

 

“My husband makes love to me

Like an Olympic athlete, honestly”

She boasted to her peers

“So, it’s once every four years”

OXFORD AND CAMBRIDGE

 

I have been a keen sports fan for many years

As my father was before me

But something has always puzzled us

And is in the back of our mind’s constantly

When it comes to the boat race final every year

Why is it the same two teams we always see

AN ENGLISHMAN WALKED INTO A PUB

 

An Englishman walked into a pub

But something was definitely up

There were no Irish, Welsh or Scots

Because they were still in the cup

THE ONLY GOOD THING ABOUT

 

The only good thing about

The advent of another Wimbledon

Is that it means you’re two weeks

Closer to football season

THE FOOTBALL ISN’T UP TO MUCH

 

The football isn’t up to much

We are all sensing doom

At half time the directors

Go off to the bored room