THE MOST DEPRESSING THING ABOUT TENNIS

 

The most depressing thing about Tennis

Is that no matter how well I hit the ball

And how much time I spend practising,

I'm never going to be as good as the wall

A GIMME

 

“Gimme” is a famous Golfing term

Best described as an agreement

Between two like-minded Golfers,

Whose putting is to their detriment

OUR STAR SPRINTER IS NOT A LOOKER

 

Our star sprinter is not a looker

But that doesn’t bother us

We still cheer him to the rafters

But we do call him Fastidious

A MULLIGAN

The Golfing term “mulligan”

Is actually a contraction

Of the phrase “muller it again”

MARADONA’S HEALTH SCARE

 

Diago Maradona collapsed after

Watching the Argentinian team

And medics then found a quantity

Of blood in his cocaine stream

GOLFING PERFECTION

 

Golfers who try to make

Everything perfect before they take

The shot will not improve their lot

And rarely make a perfect shot

KEEPING THE BALL

 

Having the most possession

In a match, doesn’t really count

If the opposing team doesn’t want

The football on any account

SCUBA TECHNIQUE

 

Have you ever wondered why it is?

When sitting on the edge of the boat

Scuba divers always fall backwards

When entering the water, well take note 

It’s because if they were to fall forwards

They would go face first into the boat

GOLF V BASEBALL

Golf is undoubtedly

Harder than baseball.

As in Golf, you must

Play your foul balls

WORLD CUP RUSSIA 2018 – ENGLAND 0, BELGIUM 1

 

The old England are back,

I don’t know where they’ve bin’

But from a position of strength

They fucked up agin’

They’ve managed to lose,

Very much to their chagrin,

To a weak Belgium team,

Who didn’t even want to win

GOLF IS A MENTAL GAME

 

Golf is a mental game

And I don’t mean cerebral

You have to hit down

To make the ball go up.

You swing left and

The ball goes right

The lowest score wins.

And if that’s not mad enough,

The winner buys the drinks.
But if you get a hole in one

You buy the whole bar a drink