MY DAD DOESN’T GO TO THE GYM # 1

 

My Dad doesn’t go to the gym

He has no need of their facilities  

As he gets all the exercise he needs

Just by dodging his responsibilities

IF FOOTBALLERS SPENT MORE TIME

 

If footballers spent more time

Training and practising their skills

Instead of feeling the sting

Of the tattoo artists drills

They would gain the fans respect

Instead of looking like utter pills

 

ARE YOU WEARING A FOOTBALL SHIRT?

Are you wearing a football shirt?

I like lady footballers for my sins

My only regret in your regard

Is you choose shirts instead of skins 

AN ITALIAN NIBBLE – BRAZIL 2014

 

Suarez should be hungry

Like all strikers

But for goals

And not for other players

TODAY’S PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALLERS

 

I think today’s professional footballers

Worry far too much about their hairstyle

And should pay as much attention to detail

On the training ground once in a while

BACK IN 66

Back in 66

When I was just a boy

I was full of pride

Watching Nobby’s jig of joy

And when Bobby Moore

Was raised shoulder high

Holding the World Cup

It made every Scotsman cry

MY WIFE DOESN’T GO TO THE GYM # 3

 

My wife doesn’t go to the gym

She’s the fittest lass around

As she gets all the exercise she needs

Just from running people down

HORSEY CLAIRE BALDING

 

Horsey Claire Balding

Is always with a nag

I think she looks like

Stephen Fry in drag

ARE YOU WEARING A TIRED EXPRESSION?

 

Are you wearing a tired expression?

There is also a hint of depression

I recognize that look on a man

You’re a Manchester United fan

FIFA HAS BEEN INEFFECTUAL

 

FIFA has been ineffectual

In its fight against Racism

In stark contrast with the rise

Of pan European Fascism

Who seem more likely to

Kick football out of Racism

BACK IN 1966

 

Back in 1966

When I was just a boy

I was full of pride

Watching Nobby’s jig of joy

And when Bobby Moore

Was raised shoulder high

Holding the World Cup

We all began to cry