HORSEY CLAIRE BALDING

 

Horsey Claire Balding

Is always with a nag

I think she looks like

Stephen Fry in drag

ARE YOU WEARING A TIRED EXPRESSION?

 

Are you wearing a tired expression?

There is also a hint of depression

I recognize that look on a man

You’re a Manchester United fan

FIFA HAS BEEN INEFFECTUAL

 

FIFA has been ineffectual

In its fight against Racism

In stark contrast with the rise

Of pan European Fascism

Who seem more likely to

Kick football out of Racism

BACK IN 1966

 

Back in 1966

When I was just a boy

I was full of pride

Watching Nobby’s jig of joy

And when Bobby Moore

Was raised shoulder high

Holding the World Cup

We all began to cry

MY WIFE DOESN’T GO TO THE GYM # 2

 

My wife doesn’t go to the gym

She’s as skinny as a candle

As she gets all the exercise she needs

Just from flying off the handle

HE’S AN INSTINCTIVE PLAYER

 

He’s an instinctive player

A natural and prodigious talent

Or so they say, I think its

More by luck than judgment

I WAS DRIVING HOME AFTER THE MATCH

 

I was driving home after the match

Listening to the report on the BBC

It was described as a fascinating contest

Which surprised the hell out of me

Far from being an interesting match

It was the most boring thing you could see

IF NANI WAS IN YOUR TEAM

 

If Nani was in your team

Would you enjoy his flare?

Well, I can tell it has its place

But he just shows off to be fair

IF YOUR TEAM IS DOING WELL

 

If your team is doing well

You can carry a player with flare

But if they’re doing badly

He’s no more than a waste of air

WE HAVE A GREAT SCOTTISH INTERNATIONAL

 

We have a great Scottish international

By the name of Jim McKee

Well, when I say he’s Scottish

His parents once went to Dundee

WHY UNITED?

 

My mate asked me why

I’m a United fan

I replied that it was

Because my brother Dan

Supported the Reds,

Also, my dad was a United man

And my mum was a

Lifelong United fan

So that was why I was also

A Man United fan

 

“That’s ridiculous” he said

“What if your brother was a thug?

Your mum was a prostitute

And your dad was on drugs

What would you be then?

You poor misguided fool?”
“Well obviously” I replied

“Then I'd support Liverpool”