I WAS DRIVING HOME AFTER THE MATCH

 

I was driving home after the match

Listening to the report on the BBC

It was described as a fascinating contest

Which surprised the hell out of me

Far from being an interesting match

It was the most boring thing you could see

IF NANI WAS IN YOUR TEAM

 

If Nani was in your team

Would you enjoy his flare?

Well, I can tell it has its place

But he just shows off to be fair

IF YOUR TEAM IS DOING WELL

 

If your team is doing well

You can carry a player with flare

But if they’re doing badly

He’s no more than a waste of air

WE HAVE A GREAT SCOTTISH INTERNATIONAL

 

We have a great Scottish international

By the name of Jim McKee

Well, when I say he’s Scottish

His parents once went to Dundee

WHY UNITED?

 

My mate asked me why

I’m a United fan

I replied that it was

Because my brother Dan

Supported the Reds,

Also, my dad was a United man

And my mum was a

Lifelong United fan

So that was why I was also

A Man United fan

 

“That’s ridiculous” he said

“What if your brother was a thug?

Your mum was a prostitute

And your dad was on drugs

What would you be then?

You poor misguided fool?”
“Well obviously” I replied

“Then I'd support Liverpool”

I HAVE BEEN A KEEN SPORTS FAN

 

I have been a keen sports fan

For as long as I can remember

And my father, since boyhood,

Is an even bigger fan than me

Having said that, there is an event

That has frankly always puzzled us

And that is the University Boat Race,

Which takes place on the Thames,

Between two coxed eight crews

So not the most thrilling event

But that’s not the puzzling part

What puzzle’s us is the participants

As it’s always Oxford and Cambridge

So how do they always get to the final?

WELL NOW THE PARALYMPICS ARE OVER

 

Well now the Paralympics are over

The call is coming loud and clear

To accommodate those unfortunates

Whose disadvantages were just too severe

For them to be able to compete

So following a simply inspired idea

Next summer on the sporting Calendar

A brand new event will appear

To accommodate the unfortunates

When the “Essex Games” begin next year

AMATEURISM

 

Amateurism, when participating

Was more important than winning

Well that idealism has been lost

Because today it’s win at all cost

I RAN A PERSONAL BEST

 

I ran a personal best

In the 100 metres

And my new record is

Almost 80 metres

LONDON 2012 # 2

 

Alas I was in error

There is no end to the terror

Alas I was sadly wrong

The Olympic whinge goes on

TRANSFER SURPRISE

 

I was surprised Mario Balotelli left City

Though it was surrounded in farce

I would have thought it more likely

That he’d disappear up his own arse