Are you wearing Olympic suits?
Well you’re
looking very smart
You’re
Essex lads aren’t you?
I bet you
can’t wait for it to start
You will
show to the world at large
That you
have good hearts
When you’re
lighting the torches
Show us you
possess some smarts
For I hope
there is more to you
When the
2012 Olympiad starts
Than dropping
your tailored trousers
And
lighting up your farts
The dour Scot lost the first two sets
And the
outcome looked a pretty safe bet
But the
plucky Brit fought back to level
Only for
the Scot to return in the final set
Are you wearing plus twos?
Well
listen, here’s the bad news
It looks as
though the plus twos
Have fallen
out with your shoes
If the 60s was the decade of dreams
Then the
1970’s was the decade of nightmares
It was the
decade when
The German
hex over England began
As in the
heat of Mexico, in 1970
They
knocked us out of the World Cup,
And it all
went downhill from there
The defeat
to Germany
Was to be
England’s last appearance
In the
World Cup Finals for 12 years.
The
following year saw Arsenal,
The team we
all love to hate,
Do the
League and cup double.
1972 saw me
enter the work place
And I’ve
been there ever since, but I’m not bitter.
1973 was a
mixed year
Manchester
United were relegated to division 2,
The
Washington Redskins lost in the Superbowl
And a significant
other entered my life.
1974 United
won promotion as champions
But
Liverpool won the FA Cup and they blossomed
Into a
force that would dominate for years to come.
The
following year Liverpool won the league title
In 1976
Southampton beat United in the cup final,
All the
worse as my future father in law was a saint’s fan
The high
point of the decade came in 77 when
United won
the FA Cup, beating Liverpool 2-1
Normal
service resumed for 1978
As I
discovered there was more to girls
Than
holding hands and stealing kisses.
And that
they very definitely weren’t,
All sugar
and spice and all thing nice
My
significant other left me for an accountant,
Who
supported Luton Town,
And to add
insult onto injury was ginger
1979 United
lost in the Cup Final to Arsenal
And so
ended the decade of disappointments
When the
only thing naffer than the music
Were the
70’s fashions
The decade
that didn’t even have style
Or a decent
musical accompaniment
The 70’s
when dreams turned to nightmares
Are you wearing plus fours?
Well they look just the job
The tweeds with argyle socks
But you do look like a nob
Young heroes returning
From a far
off foreign field
With hard
fought victory won
Where the
valiant refused to yield
Like heroes
from Homers Iliad
Exalted in
the legends
But in the
Germanic snows
The heroes
journey ends
As the Gods
of winter struck
Fire and
ice took its toll
And the
names were duly writ
Upon an
eternal honour roll
Geoff Bent,
Roger Byrne (Capt)
Duncan
Edwards, Billy Whelan
David Pegg,
Tommy Taylor
Mark Jones
and Eddie Colman
We didn’t think that life
Could
get any better
We
were young
Happy
and content
Kicking
footballs
Building
carts
Climbing
trees
Fishing
in the pond
Swimming
in the pool
Then
they came along
Distracting
us
With
their undulations
Their
cheap perfume
That
seemed so exotic
Walking
with their funny wiggles
Laughing
with their girlish giggles
And
the boyhood fun was over
No
more jumpers for goal posts
No
more war games in the woods
We
still played in the woods
But
then it was holding hands
Hugging
and snogging
And
playing with fun bumps
But no more jumpers for goal posts
My friend got a personal trainer
And trained
with him for a while
Starting a
year before his wedding
So I
questioned the length of the aisle
At the Winter Olympics Games
One of the
sponsors participating
Is a
pharmaceutical giant who
Are
sponsoring the Speed skating
Cinderella’s team is bottom of the league
Though it’s no surprise at all
When the princess in waiting
Keeps running away from the ball
Cinderella’s team is bottom of the league
They’re even lower than the bumpkins
But it’s obvious why they struggle
Because the team coach is a pumpkin
