ARE YOU WEARING PLUS TWOS?

 

Are you wearing plus twos?

Well listen, here’s the bad news

It looks as though the plus twos

Have fallen out with your shoes

THE SEVENTIES

 

If the 60s was the decade of dreams

Then the 1970’s was the decade of nightmares

It was the decade when

The German hex over England began

As in the heat of Mexico, in 1970

They knocked us out of the World Cup,

And it all went downhill from there

The defeat to Germany

Was to be England’s last appearance

In the World Cup Finals for 12 years.

The following year saw Arsenal,

The team we all love to hate,

Do the League and cup double.

1972 saw me enter the work place

And I’ve been there ever since, but I’m not bitter.

1973 was a mixed year

Manchester United were relegated to division 2,

The Washington Redskins lost in the Superbowl

And a significant other entered my life.

1974 United won promotion as champions

But Liverpool won the FA Cup and they blossomed

Into a force that would dominate for years to come.

The following year Liverpool won the league title

In 1976 Southampton beat United in the cup final,

All the worse as my future father in law was a saint’s fan

The high point of the decade came in 77 when

United won the FA Cup, beating Liverpool 2-1

Normal service resumed for 1978

As I discovered there was more to girls

Than holding hands and stealing kisses.

And that they very definitely weren’t,

All sugar and spice and all thing nice

My significant other left me for an accountant,

Who supported Luton Town,

And to add insult onto injury was ginger

1979 United lost in the Cup Final to Arsenal

And so ended the decade of disappointments

When the only thing naffer than the music

Were the 70’s fashions

The decade that didn’t even have style

Or a decent musical accompaniment

The 70’s when dreams turned to nightmares

ARE YOU WEARING PLUS FOURS?

 

Are you wearing plus fours?

Well they look just the job

The tweeds with argyle socks

But you do look like a nob

A TALE OF HEROES

 

Young heroes returning

From a far off foreign field

With hard fought victory won

Where the valiant refused to yield

 

Like heroes from Homers Iliad

Exalted in the legends

But in the Germanic snows

The heroes journey ends

 

As the Gods of winter struck

Fire and ice took its toll

And the names were duly writ

Upon an eternal honour roll

 

Geoff Bent, Roger Byrne (Capt)

Duncan Edwards, Billy Whelan

David Pegg, Tommy Taylor

Mark Jones and Eddie Colman

NO MORE JUMPERS FOR GOAL POSTS

 

We didn’t think that life

Could get any better

We were young

Happy and content

Kicking footballs

Building carts

Climbing trees

Fishing in the pond

Swimming in the pool

Then they came along

Distracting us

With their undulations

Their cheap perfume

That seemed so exotic

Walking with their funny wiggles

Laughing with their girlish giggles

And the boyhood fun was over

No more jumpers for goal posts

No more war games in the woods

We still played in the woods

But then it was holding hands

Hugging and snogging

And playing with fun bumps

But no more jumpers for goal posts

MY FRIEND GOT A PERSONAL TRAINER

 

My friend got a personal trainer

And trained with him for a while

Starting a year before his wedding

So I questioned the length of the aisle

AT THE WINTER OLYMPICS GAMES

 

At the Winter Olympics Games

One of the sponsors participating

Is a pharmaceutical giant who

Are sponsoring the Speed skating

CINDERELLA’S TEAM IS BOTTOM OF THE LEAGUE # 2

 

Cinderella’s team is bottom of the league

Though it’s no surprise at all

When the princess in waiting

Keeps running away from the ball

CINDERELLA’S TEAM IS BOTTOM OF THE LEAGUE # 1

 

Cinderella’s team is bottom of the league

They’re even lower than the bumpkins

But it’s obvious why they struggle

Because the team coach is a pumpkin

SANTA’S HELPERS HAVE A CRICKET TEAM

Santa’s Helpers have a cricket team

And they play when they can

They have no problem getting numbers

And the substitute is twelf man

SNOWMEN ARE RUBBISH AT CRICKET

 

Snowmen are rubbish at cricket

They only play when the snow falls

Even then they can’t hit the wicket

And they keep bowling snow-balls