ARE YOU WEARING PLUS FOURS?

 

Are you wearing plus fours?

Well they look just the job

The tweeds with argyle socks

But you do look like a nob

A TALE OF HEROES

 

Young heroes returning

From a far off foreign field

With hard fought victory won

Where the valiant refused to yield

 

Like heroes from Homers Iliad

Exalted in the legends

But in the Germanic snows

The heroes journey ends

 

As the Gods of winter struck

Fire and ice took its toll

And the names were duly writ

Upon an eternal honour roll

 

Geoff Bent, Roger Byrne (Capt)

Duncan Edwards, Billy Whelan

David Pegg, Tommy Taylor

Mark Jones and Eddie Colman

NO MORE JUMPERS FOR GOAL POSTS

 

We didn’t think that life

Could get any better

We were young

Happy and content

Kicking footballs

Building carts

Climbing trees

Fishing in the pond

Swimming in the pool

Then they came along

Distracting us

With their undulations

Their cheap perfume

That seemed so exotic

Walking with their funny wiggles

Laughing with their girlish giggles

And the boyhood fun was over

No more jumpers for goal posts

No more war games in the woods

We still played in the woods

But then it was holding hands

Hugging and snogging

And playing with fun bumps

But no more jumpers for goal posts

MY FRIEND GOT A PERSONAL TRAINER

 

My friend got a personal trainer

And trained with him for a while

Starting a year before his wedding

So I questioned the length of the aisle

AT THE WINTER OLYMPICS GAMES

 

At the Winter Olympics Games

One of the sponsors participating

Is a pharmaceutical giant who

Are sponsoring the Speed skating

CINDERELLA’S TEAM IS BOTTOM OF THE LEAGUE # 2

 

Cinderella’s team is bottom of the league

Though it’s no surprise at all

When the princess in waiting

Keeps running away from the ball

CINDERELLA’S TEAM IS BOTTOM OF THE LEAGUE # 1

 

Cinderella’s team is bottom of the league

They’re even lower than the bumpkins

But it’s obvious why they struggle

Because the team coach is a pumpkin

SANTA’S HELPERS HAVE A CRICKET TEAM

Santa’s Helpers have a cricket team

And they play when they can

They have no problem getting numbers

And the substitute is twelf man

SNOWMEN ARE RUBBISH AT CRICKET

 

Snowmen are rubbish at cricket

They only play when the snow falls

Even then they can’t hit the wicket

And they keep bowling snow-balls

THE ROYAL AND ANCIENT AND A SAINT

 

I know little about St Andrew

Other than a shared name

With a famous Golf course

So he must have liked a game

BERT TRAUTMANN

 

Goalkeeper Bert Trautmann

Was from a different age

When topflight players

Were not spoilt and pampered

He didn’t live in a mansion

Or have a selection of sports cars

To get to work on match days

From his home in Stockport

To Maine road in Manchester

He had to catch two buses