IN THE LONDON MARATHON

 

In the London marathon

One of my friends ran

Dressed as a chicken

While another one ran

Dressed as an egg

I don’t know who came first

IN THE PROGRAM THEY SAY

 

In the program they say

He’s a real seasoned player

But what they really mean

Is he’s past it the poor geezer

AT THE WINTER OLYMPICS GAMES

 

At the Winter Olympics Games

One of the sponsors participating

Is a pharmaceutical giant who

Are sponsoring the Speed skating

PLAYING A WOOD

For most of us weekend golfers

The only wood that is essential

To carry in your golf bag

Is a finely sharpened pencil 

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 290

Robin and Richard were two pretty men,

They laid in bed till the clock struck ten;

Then up starts Robin and looks at the sky:

"Oh, sod it Richard, the sun's very high!

Stop sniggering and pull on your knickers

We’re late for training at Twickers” 

RUNNING GENES

 

Scientists say there are now

Running Genes

But surely it would chafe

If you ran in Jeans

THE VICTORIANS

 

The Victorians

Invented a lot of sports

Or if not invented,

Encouraged their development

As a means of instilling, fair play

Teamwork and discipline

Into the next generation

As way of training the youth

For life in the wider world

I don’t know how

The Victorians would view

The sportsmen and women of today

Not favourably I suspect

INDUSTRIALISED SPORT

 

Sport was industrialised by the Soviet Union

To promote communism

And not the money hungry capitalist west

But it profited capitalism

I HAVE AN ANGEL ON MY DASHBOARD

 

I have an Angel on my dashboard

She’s my special lucky charm

I have an angel on my dashboard

Who’s keeping me from harm

AT THE ESSEX GAMES # 1

 

At the Essex Games

Beginning next year

For the Essex folk

Have hit a snag I fear

 

On health safety grounds

There will be no swimming

Because it has transpired

That the pool was brimming

With dirty brown water

When every girl and man

Had dived into the pool

Wearing too much fake tan

BE ENGLISH

 

Celebrate the victory

With your piers

Drown the woes of foes

In English beer

Sing loud the songs of triumph

Whisper low of near disasters

Be magnanimous in victory

Be humble in defeat

Be proud, be loud

Be English