Brazil Brazil is the Celtic chant
From the clan McCarlos and McCafu
Scotland's allies in the yellow and blue
Must defeat the Englishmen for you
I feel more pity than I feel contempt
Though not enough to shed a tear
What a truly sad existence you endure
No talented team of Scots to cheer
How sad and bitter you poor Celts are
Lacking a worthy team home grown
You must bathe in the reflected glory
Of greater nations than your own
Travelling east to play the game
Not thought to set the world aflame
Making friends while you're away
Impressing with your football play
Pleasing critics with what they see
Though they call you England B
Well done the noble men in green
With Holland, Dunn and Robbie Keane
You've really done your country proud
Let them proudly sing your names aloud
Cricket is not my sport that I have to say
But the game appears to be in the doldrums
For me the most exiting part of the match
Are the barmy army beating their drums
They spread the event over five full days
In an effort to make it appear more fun
But if they want to make it more exciting
They should make them play tip and run
In 2002 England were in the east
Intending to serve up
a football feast
The ginger ninja’s
were in control
Butt and Scholes in
the midfield role
Campbell, Southgate
and Ferdinand at the back
Owen, Heskey, Fowler
and Vassel in attack
In goal David seaman
with his ponytail
Praise be to the
English hero’s hail
By example Beckham
driving on his team
In vein pursuit of the
world cup dream
In the end we just
weren’t good enough
Beaten by a lucky
Brazil goal to make it tough
Now I keep telling my wife
No matter what she may have thought
In no way shape or form
Can shopping be considered a sport
Every Saturday it’s the same old story
With are mates we
bathe in the reflected glory
As our heroes play the
beautiful game
We sing and cheer and
chant their names
They get at them early
doors in attack
A Drag back and he’s
skinned the fullback
What skill he’s left
the fullback for dead
The strikers there and
wants it on his head
He heads the ball but
no it’s hit the frame
The crowd all chant
the strikers name
Another attack, Pass
& move Give & go
The home teams putting
on a great show
The ball comes to the
striker as planned
But what a save it’s
in the keeper’s hands
Again, the ball comes
to Johnny on the spot
He shoots did it go
in? Was it a goal or not?
No goals and the last
minute, one more chance
The fullback is passed
like he’s in a trance
The balls in the
middle and shot against the bar
The striker has an
open goal he misses by far
We boo and jeer and
chant their names
The striker is pants
and it’s a funny old game
Living life in cartoons
A happy life in Looney
tunes
Incomprehensible
croons
Beneath silvery moons
Shooting at pink
balloons
With captain Ahab’s
harpoons
Spending Sunday
afternoons
Chatting with baboons
Playing cricket in the
dunes
With chipmunks and
raccoons
Eating out of date
prunes
With runsible spoons
What I want to know is why it is that
Now I have become one
of the old farts
And I’m finally
holding all the cards
Everyone else decides
to play darts
On the whole,
No pun intended,
It was a pleasant day
On the Golf course
The sun was warm
The wind was light
The golf was
A mixture of the
sublime
And the ridiculous
A day of ups and downs
As my scorecard
testified
But the par 4 15th
Was a different story
I had hit a crisp
drive
From the elevated tee
And away it flew
Straight down the
middle
As Bing once sang
It landed just short
of the dog leg
Kicked to the right
And rolled perfectly
round the turn
After such a shot
You feel ten feet tall
As you stride down the
fairway
And I felt every inch
of it
When I reached my ball
I found it sitting up
invitingly
And with an unhindered
path to the green
I had a birdie chance.
Slightly ahead and to
the right
A rather large Rabbit,
Was enjoying the
afternoon sun
Blissfully unaware of
what was to come
I selected my club
And addressed the ball
“Just hit it straight”
I told myself
I swung the club
towards the ball
In a perfect ark
But I must have lifted
my head
Because there was and
ugly contact
And the ball sliced
away
In the direction of
the Rabbit
Now had he just stayed
still
He would have lived
But alas at the sound
of the sliced contact
The Rabbit leapt
vertically in the air
Straight into the path
of the ball
And died instantly
Now looking back, I
could have claimed
That the Rabbit put me
off
But it didn’t really
If the ball had
followed its path
I would have been out
of bounds
So, the Rabbit
sacrificed himself
To save my par
Me and some friends
Fancied a game of
darts
I said, “Nearest the
bull
To see who starts”
Johnny went “Woof”
And I went “Baah”
Then Danny went “Moo”
You don’t need a parachute
To go skydiving
Unless you want to
make it
A regular thing
