DID YOU KNOW THE REASON WHY

 

Did you know the reason why

Unattached women go to Wimbledon

It’s because they were told

There was a men's singles event on

BEING AN ENGLAND SUPPORTER

 

Being an England supporter

At a World Cup or Euro’s melee

Is likened to over-optimistic parents

Of the fat kid on sports day

TIME IS UP

 

To my chest my hands I clasp

I deeply breathe, I wheeze and gasp

My temples throb, my mouth is dry

My heart beats fast, I’m going to die

My voice has gone, my throat is sore

My hands both shake, I can take no more

I lay my head, upon my knee

Now blow the whistle Referee

THE FIRST TIME I MET MY WIFE

 

The first time I met my wife,

I didn’t know if it was love

But I knew she was a keeper

As she wore massive gloves

GOLF AND PORN

 

He was flicking channels between Golf and porn

So he asked his wife “Which one should I watch eh?”

“For Heaven's sake, watch the porn” she snapped

“Golf! That you already know how to play”

THERE MAY HAVE BEEN SOME DOUBT

 

There may have been some doubt

As to his allegiance to the club

Denoted by replica shirt and shorts

But no such doubt existed in regard

To the authenticity of his jock strap

As we all know what that supports

ON THE WICKET AT LORDS

 

On the wicket at Lords

Is there any finer sight

Than the sun shining

On a bowler in full flight

THE TRANSFER WINDOW IS OPEN

The transfer window is open

Which is very exciting for fans like me

Especially when I’ve just heard

Foghorn Leghorn has signed for KFC

GOLF IS LIKE MARRIAGE

 

Golf is like marriage, firstly

Both are very costly

And they won't work if you take

Yourself too seriously

OLYMPIC CONDOMS

 

“My Olympic condoms have arrived”

A husband told his wife excitedly

“I think I’ll wear gold tonight” he said

And her shoulder’s slumped resignedly

“I would rather you wore silver and came

Second for a change” she replied sweetly

THE WISDOM OF OLD AGE # 7

 

You shouldn't go through life

With a catcher’s mitt on each hand

You need to be able to throw

Something back on demand