FAIR PLAY DIAGO - SOUTH AFRICA 2010

 

At the World Cup

Maradona has called for fair play

And he wants referees

To understand the meaning he says

He could perhaps give FIFA

An example of fair play

Like not punching the ball into the net

That would be one way

TIGER, TIGER - SHORT YARDAGE

 

Tiger can drive a golf ball

400 yards, effortlessly

But can only drive a car

Little more than three

THE DOMESTIC GAME

 

The beautiful game

Is one of different hues

It can redden your face

And cause marital blues

Especially when you add

An excess of cheap booze

When victory is achieved

Sex often ensues

But it’s a different story

If he watches them lose

He’ll wear a football shirt

And she’ll wear a bruise

The bigger the match

The shorter his fuse

As he rants and raves

She shakes in her shoes

At the final whistle

Full of anger and booze

He wears red and white

She wears black and blue

GO FOURTH

 

Who will finish fourth?

Will it be Liverpool?

Who will stake their claim?

Or will Aston Villa rule

Who will stand tall?

Will it be Man City?

That win the prize

Or will Spurs be sitting pretty

Who will go forth?

Into the Champions League

To dine at the top table

Who of these wannabes?

 

Liverpool were last the champions

More than 20 years ago

Aston villa weren’t crowned

For 30 years or so

Its more than 40 years

Since Man City won

And Spurs were last the winners

In 1961

 

But the Champion’s League beckons

For these wannabes

These trophyless also ran’s

How can that be?

TIGER, TIGER - OUT AND ABOUT

Elin was asked what she and Tiger were doing

Out and about in the early hours of the morning

She said she couldn’t answer for Tiger

But for herself she was out clubbing

THE BEST MAN FOR THE JOB # 1

 

Rafa is staying at Anfield

So no new regime is brewing

There is no new job

That he is actively pursuing

And it’s a great relief

That no new club is wooing

The last thing Manchester wants

Is the prospect of Liverpool renewing

By employing a manager

Who actually knows what he’s doing

UEFA CHAMPIONS GREED

 

I hate the Champion’s League

On so many levels

I hate it because it’s a competition

Devised by money grubbing devils

 

I hate it because you have to enter it

Because that is where the money is found

Money to lure the pampered prima donnas

To your particular ground

 

I hate it because it is ceded

So the best teams are always on view

So that UEFA can optimise

Their television revenue

 

I hate it because it doesn’t seem to know

What it really wants to be

Is it a knock out competition?

Or the beginnings of the super league

 

But I hate it most of all

Above all other considerations

Because the European Champions League

Has so few actual champions

 

Post Script

 

Well all the above is true

But I regret the overriding reason

That I hate it so passionately is that

We have been knocked out this season

ZZ TOP

 

Zidane in Germany in 2006
Was given the golden ball
Voted the tournaments best player
The most outstanding of them all
A great reward for his foul conduct
Viciously head butting a rival
And before a global audience
Sent off in the World Cup Final
Was this the act of a great player?
Or of a thug that the world abhors
Was his behavior out of character?
Or has he now shown his true colors

TIGER, TIGER - TIPS AND POINTERS

 

Elin’s phone hasn’t stopped

Since the tale hit the papers

Every golfer in the world

Wants to speak to her

To get some pointers

On how to beat Tiger

STRIKER

 

A new striker was signed for United

And to make his debut he was invited

The manager spoke to the debutante

Uttering words of encouragement

“If your performance is not sublime

I'll have to pull you off at half time”

The striker attempting to be witty

Said “we only got a cup of tea at City”

 

WHEN I LAND A REAL PRIZE WINNING FISH

 When I land a real prize-winning fish

It’s like meeting a bird that’s really fit

I am filled with the same indecision 

I don’t know whether to eat it or mount it