The beautiful game
Is
one of different hues
It
can redden your face
And
cause marital blues
Especially
when you add
An
excess of cheap booze
When
victory is achieved
Sex
often ensues
But
it’s a different story
If
he watches them lose
He’ll
wear a football shirt
And
she’ll wear a bruise
The
bigger the match
The
shorter his fuse
As
he rants and raves
She
shakes in her shoes
At
the final whistle
Full
of anger and booze
He
wears red and white
She
wears black and blue
Who will finish fourth?
Will
it be Liverpool?
Who
will stake their claim?
Or
will Aston Villa rule
Who
will stand tall?
Will
it be Man City?
That
win the prize
Or
will Spurs be sitting pretty
Who
will go forth?
Into
the Champions League
To
dine at the top table
Who
of these wannabes?
Liverpool
were last the champions
More
than 20 years ago
Aston
villa weren’t crowned
For
30 years or so
Its
more than 40 years
Since
Man City won
And
Spurs were last the winners
In
1961
But
the Champion’s League beckons
For
these wannabes
These
trophyless also ran’s
How
can that be?
Elin was asked what she and Tiger were doing
Out
and about in the early hours of the morning
She
said she couldn’t answer for Tiger
But
for herself she was out clubbing
Rafa is staying at Anfield
So
no new regime is brewing
There
is no new job
That
he is actively pursuing
And
it’s a great relief
That
no new club is wooing
The
last thing Manchester wants
Is
the prospect of Liverpool renewing
By
employing a manager
Who
actually knows what he’s doing
I hate the Champion’s League
On
so many levels
I
hate it because it’s a competition
Devised
by money grubbing devils
I
hate it because you have to enter it
Because
that is where the money is found
Money
to lure the pampered prima donnas
To
your particular ground
I
hate it because it is ceded
So
the best teams are always on view
So
that UEFA can optimise
Their
television revenue
I
hate it because it doesn’t seem to know
What
it really wants to be
Is
it a knock out competition?
Or
the beginnings of the super league
But
I hate it most of all
Above
all other considerations
Because
the European Champions League
Has
so few actual champions
Post
Script
Well
all the above is true
But
I regret the overriding reason
That
I hate it so passionately is that
We
have been knocked out this season
Zidane in Germany in 2006
Was given the golden ball
Voted the tournaments best player
The most outstanding of them all
A great reward for his foul conduct
Viciously head butting a rival
And before a global audience
Sent off in the World Cup Final
Was this the act of a great player?
Or of a thug that the world abhors
Was his behavior out of character?
Or has he now shown his true colors
Elin’s phone hasn’t stopped
Since
the tale hit the papers
Every
golfer in the world
Wants
to speak to her
To
get some pointers
On
how to beat Tiger
A new striker was signed for United
And to make his debut he was invited
The manager spoke to the debutante
Uttering words of encouragement
“If your performance is not sublime
I'll have to pull you off at half time”
The striker attempting to be witty
Said “we only got a cup of tea at City”
When I land a real prize-winning fish
It’s like meeting a bird that’s really fit
I am filled with the same indecision
In the program they say
He’s a real seasoned player
But what they really mean
Is he’s past it the poor geezer
Elin Woods admitted
Assaulting
Tiger
“How
many times”?
The
police asked her
She
thought for a moment
“I’m not sure exactly”
Then with a nod she said
“Mark
me down for a three”
