UEFA CHAMPIONS GREED

 

I hate the Champion’s League

On so many levels

I hate it because it’s a competition

Devised by money grubbing devils

 

I hate it because you have to enter it

Because that is where the money is found

Money to lure the pampered prima donnas

To your particular ground

 

I hate it because it is ceded

So the best teams are always on view

So that UEFA can optimise

Their television revenue

 

I hate it because it doesn’t seem to know

What it really wants to be

Is it a knock out competition?

Or the beginnings of the super league

 

But I hate it most of all

Above all other considerations

Because the European Champions League

Has so few actual champions

 

Post Script

 

Well all the above is true

But I regret the overriding reason

That I hate it so passionately is that

We have been knocked out this season

ZZ TOP

 

Zidane in Germany in 2006
Was given the golden ball
Voted the tournaments best player
The most outstanding of them all
A great reward for his foul conduct
Viciously head butting a rival
And before a global audience
Sent off in the World Cup Final
Was this the act of a great player?
Or of a thug that the world abhors
Was his behavior out of character?
Or has he now shown his true colors

TIGER, TIGER - TIPS AND POINTERS

 

Elin’s phone hasn’t stopped

Since the tale hit the papers

Every golfer in the world

Wants to speak to her

To get some pointers

On how to beat Tiger

STRIKER

 

A new striker was signed for United

And to make his debut he was invited

The manager spoke to the debutante

Uttering words of encouragement

“If your performance is not sublime

I'll have to pull you off at half time”

The striker attempting to be witty

Said “we only got a cup of tea at City”

 

WHEN I LAND A REAL PRIZE WINNING FISH

 When I land a real prize-winning fish

It’s like meeting a bird that’s really fit

I am filled with the same indecision 

I don’t know whether to eat it or mount it

IN THE PROGRAM THEY SAY

 

In the program they say

He’s a real seasoned player

But what they really mean

Is he’s past it the poor geezer

TIGER, TIGER - STROKE PLAY

 

Elin Woods admitted

Assaulting Tiger

“How many times”?

The police asked her

She thought for a moment

“I’m not sure exactly”

Then with a nod she said

“Mark me down for a three”

GAME OF LIFE

 

What I want to know is why it is that

Now I have become one of the old farts

And I’m finally holding all the cards

Everyone else decides to play darts

THE LAST OF THE SUMMER WHINE

 

No sooner had the stumps been pulled

Then the Vintage Aussie Whine was served

Made from their abundant sour grapes

It was to toast an English victory well deserved

BALLOONING

 

Of all the pastimes

Which defy all logic

Hot air ballooning

Must be the most fantastic

You take off

With no controls to ponder

At the mercy of the wind

Into the great blue yonder

Floating up and away

Heart fit to blow a gasket

Gripping the handrail

And stood in a picnic basket

A Bunsen burner flames

Under a piece of fabric

Hot air ballooning

Must be the most fantastic

THE GIMME

 

If the “Gimme Putt”

Is the best you can do

Then I would have to say

That Golfs not for you