HAND OF GOD

 

It was in Mexico in nineteen eighty six
When English hearts sank to the floor
When England were to meet Argentina
In the world cup quarterfinal draw

On that infamous night it occurred
The event that made the spectators roar
Diego Maradonna their great player
Had to use his hand to help them score

The English players protested in vain
That Maradonna had used his hand
Amazingly the referee gave the goal
Something that I still don't understand

There was much discussion with the pundits
The video replay confirmed the cheating
Ironically his second goal was brilliant
And sealed the result of our defeating

Maradonna used a hand to help him score
But Diego claimed it was the hand of god
Argentina believes he is a national hero
The English all know he's a cheating sod

FOUR YEARS TIME

 

They said we’d never make the trip
Along came Sven to steer the ship
Injury time deep we win a free kick
Golden balls scores with the final kick

The group of death they put us in
They said that not a game you’ll win
Well we reached the quarterfinal
Losing to Brazilian’s inspirational

We will be back in four years’ time
To great new heights we will climb
Our place at the top we will regain
And we will win the world cup again

FORFAR 5 EAST FIFE 4

 

 

My boy has just got into football
Which is a very good thing after all
His choice of team worries me though
As he's chosen Charlton Athletico
I don't want to put him off football
But it's not Charlton Athletico at all
He may find the truth a bitter pill
As it's really Charlton Athletic nil

FOREIGN JOHNNY’S ON THE SPOT

 

When they show their skills, they earn our respect

After scoring they celebrate and genuflect

They have great skill which we respect

But their cheating is what we’ve come to expect

FOLLOW THAT MAN

 

Many years ago when
One hundred white men
Chased a single black man
It would have been the Klan
However we can be sure
Today it's just the PGA tour

ENGLAND IN THE EAST - World Cup 2002 Korea and Japan

 

 

In 2002 England were in the east
Intending to serve up a football feast
The ginger ninja's were in control
Butt and Scholes in the midfield role
Campbell, Southgate and Ferdinand at the back
Owen, Heskey, Fowler and Vassel in attack
In goal David seaman with his ponytail
Praise be to the English hero's hail
By example Beckham driving on his team
In vein pursuit of the world cup dream
In the end we just weren't good enough
Beaten by a lucky Brazil goal to make it tough

 

ENGLAND COACH

 

Steve McLaren has said recently
He is looking forward apparently
To taking the England football team
To the next world cup, it would seem
This is only likely to happen in reality
If he’s the coach driver quite frankly

CAN’T PLAY AWAY

 

The eternal problems for all football teams

Was keeping players fit to fulfil their dreams

As with unfit players they were bound to fail

But today the problem is keeping them out of jail

 

GENETIC MARKERS

 

Scientists say they have discovered

Genetic markers that indicate athleticism

I think if they take a close look at mine

I will have markers for Couch potatoism

BALLOONING

Of all the pastimes
Which defy all logic
Hot air ballooning
Must be the most fantastic
You take off
With no controls to ponder
At the mercy of the wind
Into the great blue yonder
Floating up and away
Heart fit to blow a gasket
Gripping the handrail
And stood in a picnic basket
A Bunsen burner flames
Under a piece of fabric
Hot air ballooning
Must be the most fantastic

A GOOD SPORT

 If you are thinking of taking up a sport

Then here’s a thought

If you are going to try cross-country skiing

This is what I’m thinking

Make sure you are well equipped to ski

And start with a small country