FOREIGN JOHNNY’S ON THE SPOT

 

When they show their skills, they earn our respect

After scoring they celebrate and genuflect

They have great skill which we respect

But their cheating is what we’ve come to expect

FOLLOW THAT MAN

 

Many years ago when
One hundred white men
Chased a single black man
It would have been the Klan
However we can be sure
Today it's just the PGA tour

ENGLAND IN THE EAST - World Cup 2002 Korea and Japan

 

 

In 2002 England were in the east
Intending to serve up a football feast
The ginger ninja's were in control
Butt and Scholes in the midfield role
Campbell, Southgate and Ferdinand at the back
Owen, Heskey, Fowler and Vassel in attack
In goal David seaman with his ponytail
Praise be to the English hero's hail
By example Beckham driving on his team
In vein pursuit of the world cup dream
In the end we just weren't good enough
Beaten by a lucky Brazil goal to make it tough

 

ENGLAND COACH

 

Steve McLaren has said recently
He is looking forward apparently
To taking the England football team
To the next world cup, it would seem
This is only likely to happen in reality
If he’s the coach driver quite frankly

CAN’T PLAY AWAY

 

The eternal problems for all football teams

Was keeping players fit to fulfil their dreams

As with unfit players they were bound to fail

But today the problem is keeping them out of jail

 

GENETIC MARKERS

 

Scientists say they have discovered

Genetic markers that indicate athleticism

I think if they take a close look at mine

I will have markers for Couch potatoism

BALLOONING

Of all the pastimes
Which defy all logic
Hot air ballooning
Must be the most fantastic
You take off
With no controls to ponder
At the mercy of the wind
Into the great blue yonder
Floating up and away
Heart fit to blow a gasket
Gripping the handrail
And stood in a picnic basket
A Bunsen burner flames
Under a piece of fabric
Hot air ballooning
Must be the most fantastic

A GOOD SPORT

 If you are thinking of taking up a sport

Then here’s a thought

If you are going to try cross-country skiing

This is what I’m thinking

Make sure you are well equipped to ski

And start with a small country

AU REVOIR - LA COUPE DE MONDE

 They travel east

With Gaelic pride
Nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide
Its said pride comes
Before a fall
They fell from high
Against Senegal
The next game a win
Or wonder why
A draw this time
With Uruguay
The final game
They have to win
Their cup defense
Must now begin
Will they play
Them off the park
They lose again
Against Denmark
So France crash out
And exit early
Perhaps they'll miss
The hurly burly
No broken hearts
They leave behind
Were glad they're gone
To be unkind
So what's the reason
France are out
We demand to know
The Frenchies shout
The answer is in
My firm belief
They should have eaten
British Beef

1966

 

Crossed from the wing
By Alan Ball
He picks out Hurst
Who's standing tall
He takes control
A turn and shot
Its hit the bar
Was it in or not?
It crashes down
Onto the line
Has it crossed?
It must this time
It's not a goal
The Germans say
Where's the ref
He's gone away
He even asks
The linesman too
He nods his head
England three - two
I have regrets
About that day
We did not win fare
The Germans say
Nearly forty
Years of doubt
Was the ball in?
Or was the ball out
But if Hunt had only
Knocked it in
We would not have
All the arguing

ARE YOU WEARING OLYMPIC SUITS?

 

Are you wearing Olympic suits?

Well, you’re looking very smart

You’re Essex lads, aren’t you?

I bet you can’t wait for it to start

You will show to the world at large

That you have good hearts

When you’re lighting the torches

Show us you possess some smarts

For I hope there is more to you

When the 2012 Olympiad starts

Than dropping your tailored trousers

And lighting up your farts