There is a subtle difference
Between “Put” and “Putt”
In meaning as well as spelling
I will attempt to elucidate
Their subtle difference
Clearly in the telling
“Put” means to place something
Where you ultimately want it
“Putt” is an unrealistic attempt
To do the same with the ball you hit
The game of Golf is character building
In
the view of certain people
Others
are a little more grounded
And
would describe it as a perpetual
Series
of unmitigated disasters
Punctuated
by an occasional miracle
Jockeys in bright coloured racing silk
Representing owners of every ilk
The horses fidget with ears pricked
Punter’s shout for the horse they picked
Ready for the off the tension mounts
A lot of money bet on turf accounts
They’re at the start now all in a line
The starter waits till all is fine
And they’re off, and the horses surge
Moving en mass like a cavalry charge
Powerful
beasts of chestnut and grey
Doing battle on Grand National day
Hooves thunder hard past the rail
Who will win the race who will prevail
On they go riding at a steady rate
Five fences in the opening straight
Then the big one Becher’s Brook
Some don’t fancy it when they take a look
Then the Foinavon fence before Canal Turn
Valentines is then the next big concern
Three more fences and the field is thinning
Across the Melling Road and turning
Over two more fences before the Chair
Then the water jump, and halfway there
Powerful
beasts of chestnut and grey
Doing battle on Grand National day
Hooves thunder hard past the rail
Who will win the race who will prevail
The crowd cheers loudly those who remain
As the magnificent beasts go around again
Along the straight five fences once more
Then Becher’s Brook counts its score
Beneath them the ground seems to quake
The leaders leaving fallers in their wake
Then the Foinavon fence before Canal Turn
Valentines is once again the big concern
Three more fences and the field is thinning
Across the Melling Road and turning
Powerful
beasts of chestnut and grey
Doing battle on Grand National day
Hooves thunder hard past the rail
Who will win the race who will prevail
Two more fences and the volume gets loud
Almost home to the delight of the crowd
Jump the last fence and land ahead
Keep your wits about you, keep your head
The finishing straight the end in sight
Across the finish line to the crowds delight
For the winner at the end of the road
The great sporting accolade is bestowed
A spectacle on an afternoon well spent
For those who witness the great event
Women body builders
Think they look fab
All muscular
And not an inch of flab
With feminine parts
Under triangular tabs
Unfortunately you couldn’t
Sex them in a lab
Nudists whilst staying in the camp
Must never, even if tempted
When playing games of leapfrog
Fail to complete all jumps attempted
“A genius footballer” bloody cheek
He
looks more like a circus freak
He’s
nothing more than a Latin cheat
Single, double, bull and treble
Straight
in, and finish on a double
First
off ninety-eight
In
the contest a lead we take
One
hundred and eighty next
Down
to earth then with twenty-six
Better
next throw back on track
Seventy-two
and seventy-six
Forty-nine
to go nineteen first
It was in Mexico in nineteen eighty-six
When
English hearts sank to the floor
When
England were to meet Argentina
In
the world cup quarterfinal draw
On
that infamous night it occurred
The
event that made the spectators roar
Diego
Maradonna their great player
Had
to use his hand to help them score
The
English players protested in vain
That
Maradonna had used his hand
Amazingly
the referee gave the goal
Something
that I still don’t understand
There
was much discussion with the pundits
The
video replay confirmed the cheating
Ironically
his second goal was brilliant
And
sealed the result of our defeating
Maradonna
used a hand to help him score
But
Diego claimed it was the hand of god
Argentina
believes he is a national hero
The
English all know he’s a cheating sod
Billy Casey is the Botley United F.C. team captain
He’s
just bettered his club scoring record again
In
ninety matches he’s now scored twenty-three
He’s
second highest scorer now just behind o.g
When you’re playing poker
I
think it’s true in all cases
That
a Smith and Wesson
My boy has just got into football
Which
is a very good thing after all
His
choice of team worries me though
As
he’s chosen Charlton Athletico
I
don’t want to put him off football
But
it’s not Charlton Athletico at all
He
may find the truth a bitter pill
As
it’s really Charlton Athletic nil
