HAND OF GOD

 

It was in Mexico in nineteen eighty-six

When English hearts sank to the floor

When England were to meet Argentina

In the world cup quarterfinal draw

 

On that infamous night it occurred

The event that made the spectators roar

Diego Maradonna their great player

Had to use his hand to help them score

 

The English players protested in vain

That Maradonna had used his hand

Amazingly the referee gave the goal

Something that I still don’t understand

 

There was much discussion with the pundits

The video replay confirmed the cheating

Ironically his second goal was brilliant

And sealed the result of our defeating

 

Maradonna used a hand to help him score

But Diego claimed it was the hand of god

Argentina believes he is a national hero

The English all know he’s a cheating sod

BOTLEY BILLY

 

Billy Casey is the Botley United F.C. team captain

He’s just bettered his club scoring record again

In ninety matches he’s now scored twenty-three

He’s second highest scorer now just behind o.g

WINNING HAND

When you’re playing poker

I think it’s true in all cases

That a Smith and Wesson

Will always beat four aces

FORFAR 5 EAST FIFE 4

 

My boy has just got into football

Which is a very good thing after all

His choice of team worries me though

As he’s chosen Charlton Athletico

I don’t want to put him off football

But it’s not Charlton Athletico at all

He may find the truth a bitter pill

As it’s really Charlton Athletic nil

BATSMEN WEAR A PROTECTIVE BOX

 

Batsmen wear a protective box

In order to ensure

That the bowler cannot

Rearrange his furniture

AS A MULTI SPORTS CLUB GRASSHOPPER

As a multi sports club Grasshopper

Club Zürich are just the ticket

They play a large number of sports

Though funnily enough Not Cricket

AT THIS YEAR’S INSECT SUPER BOWL

 At this year’s insect Super Bowl

The quarterback played dismally

Rimsky-Korsakov dropped the ball

It was the plight of the fumble Bee

WHY UNITED?

My mate asked me why

I’m a United fan

I replied that it was

Because my brother Dan

Supported the Reds,

Also my dad was a United man

And my mum was a

Lifelong United fan

So that was why I was also

A Man United fan

“That’s ridiculous” he said

“What if your brother was a thug?

Your mum was a prostitute

And your dad was on drugs

What would you be then?

You poor misguided fool?”

“Well obviously” I replied

“Then I'd support Liverpool”

THE FIRST TESTICULAR PROTECTION

 

The first testicular protection

Known as a "box" was introduced

In 1874

Whereas the first cranial protection

Known as a “helmet” was introduced

In 1974

So, it only took a hundred years

For Cricketers to figure out the score

That balls shouldn’t be more

Important than brains anymore

MASCOT

 

I was amused to see at the weekend that the Bolton Wanders mascot, a seven-foot Lion, was ordered by the referee to stay at the Bolton end of the ground in the first half because the Lion was confusing the Norwich City players.

At half time the Lion reappeared wearing the Bolton away strip and was allowed to resume his duties.

I can’t help thinking that Norwich City’s position at the foot of the premiership table may be related to their inability to differentiate between a seven-foot Lion and fellow footballers.

HE’S AN INSTINCTIVE PLAYER

 

He’s an instinctive player

A natural and prodigious talent

Or so they say, I think its

More by luck than judgment